No one is perfect. People mess up. Companies, which are run by people, mess up. What happens after that mess up MATTERS. Apologies have washback, both positive and negative – Paula Deen is a recent example of “apologies” gone awry.
Here’s how to give a sincere apology:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a88OrrIsC-8]
Step 1: Be sincere
Step 2: Take 100% responsibility.
Step 3: Say “I’m sorry” or “I apologize.”
Step 4: Avoid “I’m sorry, but…”
Step 5: Apologize quickly
This week there were two companies whose actions resulted in negative feedback from the grappling community, and especially from the women’s grappling community.
One was Grappler’s Planet. I wrote a blog post about the “parody” video they posted, and their poor and dismissive responses to their negative feedback. This morning I woke up to this apology:
Hi Julia
We have decided to pull the video. We continue to support Cindy in her efforts and want to extend that support to all grapplers, female or otherwise. The video was undermining that support and we recognize it was doing the whole sport a disservice, not just females.
Your voice does have power and we are listening. We thank you for your feedback as we hope to make not only the mats but our little corner of the internet a safe and inviting place for people to share in the love of BJJ without limitations. If admitting we were wrong helps that to become a reality for women grapplers, it’s a small price to pay for strengthening the community as a whole.
~ Sen (GP Admin)
They pulled the video, they issued an apology on my blog, and issued an apology on their Facebook page, which has 26,000 “likes.” Without question this was a classy, mature move, and I respect them a lot for this. They took responsibility, they took action, they handled it in a mature and professional way, and they left a very positive impression with me. Sincerely, bravo, Grappler’s Planet.
The other poor interaction in women’s grappling this week was with a company called Dojo Direct. Georgette posted all about it on her blog, and here are the highlights:
Pippa Granger had a very negative interaction with Dojo Direct.
And yes, “spelt” is spelled correctly.
This company took neutral feedback and responded hostilely, made a personal attack on her, and made a clearly sexist remark to her – about her period. It was stunning. A followup message by another woman led them to say “shit happens” and then respond to an admittedly childish response from this woman by saying “pretty childish for a woman of your age.”
They ended up issuing an apology to Pippa. There was a “public” one on their Twitter site, which has 3 followers. It said “Dojo Direct apologizes to @pippa_banana for the inappropriate behavior from our colleague yesterday. Appropriate action has been taken.” To my mind, this was okay, but still vague.
They also sent a personal apology to Pippa via PM on Twitter, which she kindly posted screen shots of. But the apology left a bad taste in my mouth – and to others as well.
I sincerely apologize for my childish remark yesterday, it was totally uncalled for and I am sorry for the offense i caused. It was foolish of me to mention about sensitive issues. I understand you are passionate about Jiu Jitsu thank you for correcting my spelling. Please accept my apologies, I didn’t intend to offend you, if I did it wasn’t intentional.
I would like to send free gift on behalf of the company for the trouble this has caused. If you send me an address to send it to, either home or a dojo you train in I will send it straight away.
I’d like to sum up. Dojo Direct says “I take it your menstrual cycles are premature, or your just an angry woman in general.” However, it was not intended to offend.
Sorry, Dojo Direct, your apology was insincere. It’s clear you intended to insult Pippa. There is absolutely no reason a company would ever need to mention a woman’s menstrual cycle in this manner. There is no justification for this whatsoever. Blaming a woman’s response on her period was not “foolish” nor a “sensitive subject.” It was rude and wrong. Then, unfortunately, they offered a free product, which felt more like they were buying her off than backing up an apology.
Bravo, Grappler’s Planet. Thank you for listening to the voice of the minority and being responsible with your social media. You gave an excellent example of what an apology should look like.
Have any companies issued apologies or non-apologies that left an impression with you – either positive or negative? Please leave the story below!
Thank you Very much For this Julia. We would Definitely love to work with you in promoting more the women in Grappling and if you want to work on some things with us that would be awesome. We are all about the Growth of this sport and the Community. I started this page out of Passion for BJJ and It has Grew to be bigger than I thought. Thanks to the amazing people in it and fans we have. We just want to give back. Not Push back or make people feel like we have insulted them nor make them look bad in any way, shape or form. We also do NOT see you Women in BJJ as a Minority. We support you guys tremendously.
Again thank you so much for the kind words, and Me and My team did this public apology because after thoughts we realized we were in the wrong and that we hurt people’s feelings and the Image of women in BJJ. We wanted to say sorry for this truly and from the bottom of our hearts and just wanted to do the right thing. Being stubborn would have led us nowhere. We have grown and learned from this experience.
I have an amazing team and I am super proud of them. I am proud to be a part of this community and thank you guys for also standing your ground. Much Respect.
On that note, I send you all a HUGE OSS!!!!
Kind regards,
Gregg@GP.
[…] Scout: Rodolfo Vieira Guard Passing Study 1 – Pressure Passing Jiu Jiu’s BJJ Blog: BJJ And Women – Apologies Aesopian: How To Spar With Higher Belts [Podcast] Graciemag: Berimbolo Defense Revealed; How To […]
[…] ← BJJ Tournament in Korea: Korea Open Jiu Jitsu Championship BJJ and Women: Apologies → […]
Dojo direct left an apology on Facebook as ell for all to see.
“I would like to make a direct apology to Pippa Ranger and those offended for my comments yesterday. It was foolish of me to mention about sensitive issues. The conversation became misconstrued some what and I deleted the message straight away. It was a childish defensive remark, which was uncalled for. The reaction was not intentional, to undermine women’s jiu jitsu or age or whatever was received from the message.
I understand Pippa is passionate about Jiu Jitsu (thank you for the spelling correction) as i am by promoting Dojo Direct. Our intention is to provide the best martial arts products at affordable prices, and also to promote martial arts clubs around the world to boost the popularity of local clubs and dojos. Have a look at our FREE serivce. http://www.dojodirect.co.uk/dojodirectory/
Dojo Direct will also offer 5% off to everyone by entering Dojo5 at the checkout. On behalf of Myself and Dojo Direct. Please accept our apologies on the matter.”
I can’t find it on their Facebook page. If you can give me a direct link to it I will keep this here. Otherwise it is getting deleted.
Thanks for this post. It’s absoltely necessary to call people out on their crap. I liked this post enough to feature it on my blog today.
Thanks! I appreciate that.
The makes great food for thought. If the content of a statement is clearly offensive, such as referring to a woman’s period, then clearly it was meant to offend, right? I’ve always challenged the concept of “saying something you don’t mean to”. After all, if you didn’t mean to say it, then why did you say it? Whether something was said in the heat of the moment should be irrelevant, right? But apparently a lot of people believe this can be done, that you can actually say something you don’t mean. There are countless nuggets of wisdom that seem to end in …before you say something you don’t mean. Are there any circumstances when someone can say something, then later say I didn’t mean it and be sincere about it? Personally, it just makes zero sense to think that something can be said but you didn’t mean to. What, were you forced to open your mouth? Were sounds forced out of your throat against your will? Did your mouth develop free will in shaping those sounds coming from your throat? People who believe in the idea of “saying something you don’t mean to say” are completely nuts, right? What do you guys think?
To be clear, I am not saying that Dojo Direct is employing this phrase of “saying something I didn’t mean to say” as an excuse/reason. But this topic made me think of whether someone can say something offensive that was clearly intentional, but then later truthfully say they didn’t mean to offend?