I think anecdotes about women in jiu jitsu is important. I think a wide variety of stories should be available. Even the stuff that would make teammates uncomfortable.
I don’t want to make my own teammates uncomfortable. I don’t want to write things that could cause me to become isolated from my team or my coach. There are often times I don’t want to stir the pot. And I’m absolutely certain other people feel this way, too.
That’s why I published Anonymous Blue Belt’s story about how she found training very difficult. Anonymous has a BJJ blog and didn’t want to publish because she didn’t want her teammates to read it and feel bad, but I think her story is important.
Those difficult stories ARE important. Those difficult stories help raise awareness that not everything is beautiful and shiny, and to quote Feminist Frequency:
it’s both possible (and even necessary) to simultaneously enjoy a piece of media while also being critical of it’s more problematic or pernicious aspects. -from Damsel in Distress part 2
My feeling about jiu jitsu is that it’s both possible to simultaneously enjoy doing BJJ while also being critical of systemic problems that exist for women training around the world. These stories are important for people who think “These issues don’t exist!” and for women who are going through those and think “I’m the only person this is happening to.” While the majority of women may have lucked out and found amazing gyms and amazing teammates, I think awareness of issues that other women face is important.
So what I want to extend is the offer to publish your story. If you are a woman in BJJ and have a blog, I would be happy to publish a story you don’t want to put on your blog. I know that Georgette has done this a time or two. I think it’s really important that women in our community help one another, and this is one way I feel I can help.
To that end, if you are a gay or transgendered woman (or even a gay, transgendered woman), I’m also happy to publish your stories. I recognize that the stories are ones that most women in jiu jitsu will never be aware of or face due to straight or CIS privilege – and ones that often I’m not even aware of due to my own privilege. I do, however, recognize that privilege and if I can help raise some awareness, I’m happy to do so.
Please make sure your article fits with the overall feel of my blog. It should not simply be a rant full of vitriol, but rather a thoughtful and reflective article about your experiences.
Edited to add: You can email me your stories to julia at jiujiubjj.com waxpoetic at gmail (I’m currently experiencing issues with my other email)
I really appreciate that you mentioned accepting stories/posts from gay, transgender or gay transgender women. It’s nice to see that even within this microcosm of the jiu jitsu community there are people that are accepting and caring enough to want to share these stories.
I have so many friends in all walks of life. It’s an issue that I believe is important, and I’m definitely aware of, though it is not always active on my radar. It’s unfortunately too easy to forget about those who are hedged out – the “others,” especially when they are invisible minorities.
I’d like to second that, especially with the trans stuff in the news these days. Jiu-jitsu women are awesome. 🙂
cisgender
A label for “individuals who have a match between the gender they were assigned at birth, their bodies, and their personal identity,” complementing transgender.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cisgender
Wait – you mean not everyone knows what that is!!? (hehe just kidding. Thanks. I added a link)
I think the real problem with woman/gay/transgender people and Jiu-Jitsu falls squarely on the shoulders of the instructors. Unfortunately, there are a lot of bad instructors in Jiu-Jitsu. My wife is a teacher so I am deeply familiar with the process of identifying whether someone is a good instructor or not. And there are a lot of BAD instructors.
For some reason the prevailing thought is that if you have a black belt around your gi you have the ability to teach. No, you do not. As a matter of fact you are probably the worst person to teach. By that I mean you the individual, not you the black belt. I think we can all agree that there are some people who are just not meant to teach.
So when you have a bad instructor doing a poor job with his male students, how well do you think he/she is going to do with the female/gay/transgender students?
First and foremost, these bad instructors forget that there is a major comfort level that needs to be achieved in order to properly train jiu-jitsu. It is not natural to put a stranger in between your legs. I remember Jiu-Jiu saying that in one of her posts. She had a big problem with having a guy in her guard and if I remember correctly had to step off the mat in order to collect herself. Even I as a man had trouble with that in the beginning. There’s nothing wrong with it and it takes time to get comfortable with the idea. These bad instructors don’t understand that.
Also, these bad instructors forget that not everyone is a UFC fighter. Not everyone is a gifted athlete and can learn jiu-jitsu through osmosis. It takes LOTS of time and LOTS of practice. I’ve seen instructors yell at their female students whom they perceived as “not getting it” and others pushing some to tears. It’s wrong. Period.
These instructors apply this “get good quick” mentality to people who are just barely getting over the close contact of BJJ. There is no way that mentality is going to work on a everyone let alone a new student who happens to be woman/gay/transgender. That doesn’t mean it won’t work on any of them, but I would argue it fails in the majority of cases.
Also, these bad instructors fail to engender a respectful mentality in their students. I am fortunate to have an instructor who does keep that in mind. I was a newly minted 3-stripe white belt and partnered with a female white belt for an open mat session. Unfortunately, I was still a stupid spazzoid and got rough with her. My instructor walked over and stopped me. He told me to stand against the wall and wait for the timer to run out. When it did he grabbed one of our brown belts and had him roll with me. He whispered something in his ear before we started, which I later found out was “teach him a lesson.”
That brown belt all but killed me. He tapped me so many times and so hard I actually thought he broke my neck at one point (I went to a doctor to get an x-ray). He worked me so hard that it felt like I was beat up by 10 guys. After we were done and I was laying in a heap against the wall my instructor came up to me and said “Now you know how it feels.”
Our instructor pushes us to be respectful and to train intelligently and to help everyone improve. If you fall out of line you will be taught a lesson. Period.
Unfortunately, there aren’t enough instructors who do that. I read a lot of BJJ blogs, several are written by female jiu-jiteiras, and I hear how they get smashed by their male partners while rolling; their instructors do nothing about it. That has to change. If it doesn’t then this sport will never be a true sport because if half the population of the U.S. can’t participate.
Hopefully, blogs like Jiu-Jiu’s and other female blogs talking about this issue will go on to create a dialogue and fix this situation in the long run. My only advice that I can in the short term is for female/gay/transgender practicioners is to be brave. Be brave enough to tell your partner that he/she is being too rough. Be brave to listen to your body and if it feels wrong it’s probably wrong. Be brave and tell your instructor that you are not comfortable or that you need to step off a mat and collect yourself. There is nothing wrong with it.
Jiu-Jitsu is not about ego and no one will judge you for taking a second to get over a mental or physical hump; if they do then they are not true martial artists. No true martial artist wants you to be unhappy practicing a martial art. If your instructor has a problem with you and your comments than leave. Leave that minute. That’s a bad instructor and not someone who you should spend your money on teaching you. Remember, you’re a consumer and you are always right. If something is being done not to your liking then as a consumer you have the right to complain until the situation is rectified. If the situation won’t be rectified, then you talk with your feet and your fingers: publish something in a blog or forum.
These are just my two cents; probably worth less.
I realize I’m not comfortable with that term “true” martial artist. I don’t consider myself a “martial artist” let alone a “true” martial artist. However, all of the ideas you’ve mentioned come down to one human being respecting another human being.
If your instructor cannot accept that you have mental and physical hurdles, they are not respecting your individual needs and where you’re coming from.
I don’t even think it’s about being “right” or not. That idea of the consumer is always right does not hold water for me. However, I do think that there are positive learning environments and there are good and bad matches for people.
So ultimately I agree with you. I have seen good and not-so-good teachers. I’ve seen seminars that were structured poorly. I’ve seen teachers that did not know how to scaffold for beginners. I’ve seen teachers that could not simplify things for beginners. Ultimately they were either ineffective or inefficient, and did not have solid teaching methodology.
I also think this comes down to principles of andragogy – my particular field. I have a blog post planned on this.
In any case, I recognize what you’re saying. I trained language teachers for 5 years, and I know that just because you are passionate about a thing does not mean you have a good foundation for teaching.
Hi Julia,
I just wanted to give a quick Thank You for bringing these issues out and giving them an honest discussion.
Also, with your permission, I would like to include links to your ‘Women and BJJ” posts in my academy’s newsletter. Its a bi-monthly email I put together and as we are starting a women’s only classes/comp classes I think they would compliment the class introduction perfectly.
Thanks, and if you could let me know in the reply it would be greatly appreciated!
Jon
Hey that would be fantastic! Thanks for getting the word out! Much appreciation!
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