Sigh. It’s true. My body feels like this:

I used to have movez!

When I try to practice moves I look at those speedy little racers and the Ferraris in my class and am really happy if I’m able to put it into first gear. Though sometimes I need to have someone help me push my car up the hill. 🙁

I realize this is what I’m starting with. I don’t have the athletic background. I have a black belt in television watching. I won the gold medal in torrents downloading. I actually have won ribbons at the fair for cross stitching. My body was permanently in park.

Now with jiu jitsu, I’ve decided it needs to move. The tires are flat, the windshield is cracked, I need a new transmission, and I need to change the oil. (There are probably much better analogies, but I’m not really a car person. If you supply better analogies, I’ll be happy to change this!) So right now I’m rejoicing in being able to hit second gear. Or to go around the corner. Or to have one single inflated wheel 🙂

Just like an old junked car, my body needs restoring. This will take time. What makes it difficult for me is trying to find that fine line between admitting truth of what my body can’t do right now and mentally giving up and just thinking I can’t do something. Does that make sense? For example, I can’t do frog jumps because I crouch down and then flat out can’t move. My body is parked. Which means it won’t move or will fall over. The problem is that I don’t know how to modify the moves in class, and there have been one or two times that I was flat out frustrated and angry, almost crying, because I just felt like I couldn’t do ANYTHING.

That’s why I really do appreciate it when my sparring partners put it into first and let me overtake them in second. In no way do I feel like they’re putting me down. I feel like they’re giving me the opportunity to do SOMETHING. It helps me not to feel emotionally beat up.

So I’m a fucking idiot because I can’t make a lamp

I’ve always been an intellectual. I was the smart kid in class. The nerdy kid who all the sports people picked on. So being around all these muscles is strange for me. Now I’m in the reverse situation–I’m the one unable to do things. I’m Brian in the Breakfast Club, who couldn’t make a stupid lamp. Need me to explain educational theories? No problem. Need me to edit that paper for you? Fo sho. Need me to write a textbook? Okies. Need me to move my hips? Ummmm. Need me to do a pushup? Ugh. Need me to move? …

And because it’s totally in my head now (If you find this as a clip, I’ll add it!):

I’m a fucking idiot because I can’t make a lamp?
No, you’re a fucking genius because you can’t make a lamp.
What do you know about trigonometry?
I could care less about trigonometry.
Bender, did you know without trigonometry there would be no engineering?
Without lamps there’d be no light.

What about you? Were you a mini or a roadster or a vwbus when you came to jiu jitsu? Were you athletic to begin with? Where are you now?