Sometimes it happens that you just aren’t given enough attention in class. Perhaps there are too many people. Perhaps you’re just at that mediocre level where you’re not good but you’re not terrible and you’re fading into the woodwork. In any case, you WANT MORE ATTENTION.

There are many things you could do:

1. Jump up and down screaming “Pay attention to me”
2. Complain to the people around you (this helps if you do it CONSTANTLY)
3. Wear something outrageous to class
4. Wear a bikini top under your gi (works for men AND women!)
5. Ooops my gi pants just fell off and now everyone can see my lacy panties (this ESPECIALLY works for men)

Dressing as the Green Arrow OR Wonder Girl will DEFINITELY get you attention.

Those are all excellent options. Or, you can follow this magical formula:

Your face

It helps if you wear something dumb on your head AND have a cheesy grin

+ Knee

It's definitely cooler when they're wearing a business suit

= instant attention

My first black eye! Taken around an hour after knee + eye.

6 hours after knee+eye=MUCH more dramatic!

Oh hai! It's a kitty and a panda! 2 days after knee + eye!

The knee to the face attention ploy is more effective when you are 25% of the class. By default your partner must stop and check on you. Now 50% of the class has stopped. The instructor will also stop and curiosity will get the best of the other 2 students. Now all the attention is on you.

If the knee to the face doesn’t work in itself, the next step is to sit on the ground and cry. This will REALLY get you attention. Hell, worked once before for me!

Wailing DOES help.

It also helps if your cheek swells up like a mouse is hiding under your skin and has immediate purple bruising.

By this point you have everyone’s attention. Your partner will have run to the store and gotten ice and felt terrible. The rest of the class will proceed but the instructor will circle around you grimacing because your eye looks terrible and you’re pitifully holding the ice to your face. It also means the people walking into your school will ask what happened. Feel free to tell them anything ranging from “I’m now taking up boxing” to “The instructor got mad at me” or even “I needed more attention.”

Thankfully, the bruise will last long enough that anyone who wasn’t there will be able to ask you about what happened.

Or, alternatively, you could post a blogpost called “How to be the center of attention” and retell your story in the most dramatic fashion possible. That will work, too. 😀 Plus, it will give you worldwide sympathy. Don’t forget about the Facebook and Twitter updates–it will truly maximize your center-of-attention-ness.

And I SUPPOSE you could use your powers for good IF you fall on the Wonder Woman side of the good vs evil spectrum, as Meg clearly has. Apparently you can use a black eye to call attention to something important. I’m more on the Catwoman side of the good vs evil spectrum, so I just used my black eye as an excuse to write a silly blog post.

[The non-poetry version=we were practicing takedowns. I’m clumsy, my parter was clumsy, and when he took me down I fell face first into his knee. Yes, I did cry–apparently I’m not cut out for MMA because sudden injuries cause my eyes to overflow.]

What’s your awesome attention getting story?