Sometimes I get grumpy and jealous. I know, not awesome qualities. I see these guys come into the gym and things just click. They can shrimp on the first day, they don’t stop and say “what the heck am I supposed to do here” when they try rolling, they attack.
I realized it’s a bit like playing video games. On the one hand it’s like a first person shooter (FPS). When I started, I was at the “hands” level – no weapons, maybe the ability to punch. Except at first I couldn’t even see where I was going because I kept looking at the ground, unable to control the video.
Okay, so I finally am semi able to control the camera, and so now I can grasp things and punch things (it’s an analogy – I don’t actually punch people in BJJ). Not terribly effective.
After learning a few moves, I finally progress to level 2, which involves blunt weapons. I now can do rudimentary escapes, occasionally get a tap from an opponent, but it’s all very crude. At least at this point it’s more effective than just punching the enemy!
Level 3 achieved! I now have a knife! More precise attacks, better timed escapes, better overall against my opponents. Yes, I’m bringing a knife into a gun fight, but when you don’t know any gun-fu, a knife is better than nothing.

Level 3! I showed my cat my plastic knife and she started chewing the end. I decided it looked way too violent for me to post pictures of my cat eating my fake knife.
Then FINALLY I find the ranged weapons! Yes, the shots are terribly limited, and often I just find myself trying to pistol whip the enemy because I can’t aim fast enough or because I’m totally out of bullets. But darn it, at least I’m playing with a similar style weapon!
Hopefully someday my skills will progress to the UZI or AK47 level or the sniper rifle level. Heck, I’d even be happy with a dang grenade. But whatever – I’m at the ranged weapons level. And I remember how hard the game was when I was playing with bare hands. But to see everyone start playing the game and they start at the handgun level – [begin whine made from sour grapes here].
Man, these newfangled gamers. Back when I played video games, there was no such thing as a “saving,” oh nooooo. We had to leave the Nintendo on until we were done playing. No save points for us. Turn it off and start over. These kids don’t know how good they’ve got it with their cheat codes and their walkthroughs. In my day we called the Nintendo Help Line when we needed to find that hidden level on Mario, or we jumped around and hoped we’d find stuff. Grumble. Get off my porch you danged kids.
One day our Nice Guy Brown Belt saw my frustration at a new white belt’s competence and he said, “Yeah, but remember – you started at the hands level.” Thanks, NGBB. Sincerely.
Which level did you start out at? Which level are you at now? Please note I did not put in all the levels. I intentionally left out the “dead fish” level, mostly because everyone looks stupid when they carry around a dead fish, although it’s useful for smacking people.
I’d say sensible enough to know the controls, but happy enough to go looking for treasure before my primary objectives.
Hahahaha. Wonderful! I didn’t even know to do that.
Good for you. I see you have your bug-out kit for the impending zombie apocalypse at the ready.
I started somewhere between Levels 1 and 2. I had enough strength to smash someone at the same level as I, and had enough body awareness/breathing technique to at least not totally panic when I was getting smashed in return. But once I started swimming with sharks, I couldn’t even get the game to load no matter how many times I blew into the cartridge.
And Nintendo? Pfft. Dang kids and your new-fangled contraptions. In my day you were lucky if the kid down the street had an Atari 2600!
Meant to throw in there that in a prior life I was an amateur body builder and had been praticing Yoga for awhile before I ever put on a Gi. Both helped immensely in the beginning.
Hahaha Okay, honesty time – my friend had a single button Atari and I loved playing Frogger at her house. Our first system was an Intellivision (also no saves), but it wasn’t until Nintendo that we got the more “epic” games. You know, like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. ^_^
I think I’ve started out between level 1 and level 2. My studies in dance and yoga have helped me with overall body awareness and the body building has given me good strength. That being said, I’m only slightly more difficult to submit than a grappling dummy.
Oh body awareness, how awesome you are, and how I never knew that until I learned it a bit. ^_^
I really enjoyed this post. I LOL’d.
I probably started at the hammer level. I’ve had a little bit of grappling in the past (US Army Combatives) along with generally not horrible physical condition (I was pushing the “overweight” BMI, but still “normal”). I do have some health issues (hormonal imbalances, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), but generally I’m able to do most of the stuff I’m shown. I’m also pretty flexible, which helps a lot.
Hehehe I’m glad you enjoyed it. I had a LOT of fun writing it. All you white belts and your intuitive way of knowing what to do. Curse all of you. Juuuuust kidding. ^_^
I’ve been training for 5 years and am a 2-stripe blue belt and I still feel like I just started. BJJ is about learning. You’re always learning. You never stop. Therefore, don’t focus on what “level” you’re at or whether someone else “gets” it faster than you. At the end of the day it’s an individual thing and a better question is “Could the me of today beat the me of yesterday?” rather than “Am I better than X Blue Belt or Y White Belt.
First, a small dose of reality. I don’t spent most or a lot of my time comparing myself to others. I have written several articles about why that is a bad thing. Yet I am human and this means that it happens at times, even if only for a few seconds. Now, at 3 years, let’s imagine that I have that twinge for 3 seconds every class or every other class. Not a lot of time, but it happens.
I’ve also maintained a blog for 3 years. As I’m sure you’ve seen, blogs come and go. White belts start with excitement and vigor and quickly stop. I have not. What this means, however, is that you occasionally post fun articles. Perhaps because a blog starts to feel too serious or because you’re mining for more blog fodder. This was intentionally a fun article that I had fun writing. Not to be taken too seriously, and yet it WAS talking about a generic concept of how BJJ could be described. There IS a difference in a game between someone who has never seen the controls and someone who has put in hundreds of hours on a similar game. And that’s okay. Everyone has to learn sometime.
I’ve written about how my body felt like a parked car, then how it moved up to “clunker”. I’ve also written about why it’s not bad to be bad for a long time.And I’ve written about focusing on what you can do rather than what you can’t do. I’ve even written that I would continue doing jiu jitsu even if I stopped progressing, beltwise.
When I create articles like this, I hope people will join in the fun. Please believe me, I splash reality all over myself. If you’re not comfortable joining in the fun on the humorous articles, please be assured that I completely understand that it’s not an awesome thing to compare yourself with another, and that I totally grok that jiu jitsu is all about the learning and all about the process.
Three cheers for a Heinlein reference. Hip, Hip, Huzzah!!!! Geek + BJJ = Awesome!
Just sayin’.
Great concept, I remember when the Atari came out. I am probably at the “Pitfall Harry” level (i.e, somewhat functional but depressingly limited when examined in a modern setting).
Hahahaha very cute. I’m still bummed we never got a chance to roll! Hopefully that can happen some time this summer??
Hmmmm, seeing as I’ve only recently started. I’d say I’m at the spoon level. I sometimes get it right but it always feels clumsy , awkward and slow.
I don’t expect to be at the AK 47 level …ok in my dreams I am but dreams aren’t quite the same thing. One day I’ll exchange my spoon for a knife.
Hahaha Excellent. It made me think of The Postman when he’s eating something with a spoon and she threatens him and he holds the spoon up to her and says “Don’t make me use this.” Dreams are nice and wonderful! Don’t forget, hammer is between spoon and knife. ^_^ Not fork as others would have you think.
Hahaha! Awesome. This is so me!
Coming into BJJ, I was (/AM) looking at the floor. I’m walking into walls and getting trapped in the damn elevator shaft that you START in because I can’t figure out how to get through the door to level one. I can’t figure out how to pick up weapons, and, when I accidentally do, I promptly drop them, start shooting at my own feet or teammates, or get killed. I can’t figure out what button is “attack” and so I’m mashing them all at once and having fits. My teammates are yelling “pick up the rocket launcher! the rocket launcher! its right by your feet!!” and I don’t know what to do and I’m freezing because I’m panicking, overwhelmed by the horde of zombies/gunmen/pirates/whatever that are attacking me. I’m hiding in the corner trying not to get killed (I don’t have many lives left) while I watch my teammates kicking ass. I’m winning awards for getting killed more than any other player.
I also, for the record, have a LOT of experience sucking at video games, so this metaphor was SERIOUSLY apt. Like, really. Gold.
I just want to figure out how to walk straight, pick up a weapon, and not get killed. Is that too much to ask?
Oh man, you nailed the image I was going for!! That made me laugh so much (inside – not outside). I could totally picture what you were talking about with the “PICK UP THE BAZOOKA” and then I keep saying “HOW DO I PICK IT UP??? IT’S NOT WORKING!!!!” hahahahaha
Button mashing = spazzing. I love it. You rock.
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I started somewhere around Level 1.5…Army Combatives and a past history as a linebacker helped me to not always “get stuck looking at the ground.” As I progressed over the last 3 years, I can control a few more things, but at the same time found how to turn weaknesses into strengths(e.g. get stuck looking at ground…attack lower.) It took a looooong time for me to get over Ugg-Jitsu and start playing Jiu-Jitsu, and even now when I get frustrated…HULK SMASH! My thoughts on those that come in and somehow pick technique up like it is something that they have been practicing all their lives…they have a weakness too…and just like looking for the lost level in Mario or the control to open the elevator,keep looking and you will find it. BJJ taught me that.
Ahhhh…. To be a white belt again. 2,5 years ago I was still smashing buttons and maybe getting some moves done right. Maybe even some combos. These days, as a 1-year-old blue belt, it’s all about timing for the combo breakers and chaining up my own. Maybe even some instant fatalities against the white belts. Hah! Finally starting to hold my own against brown belts, even getting in some surprise submissions. I wish it would be as easy as playing Cinder. All you’d need is -> -> A, -> -> A, and you’d beat most people. Then again, I really enjoy the journey and all the beatings.
Really liking this blog. Good stuff and great writing. Greetings from Finland!
I started one year ago, I was the lamest person in my group, now I’m the Quenn of the lamest:) still having white belt, lots of bruises and mood swing:) but I’m still doing it:) greets from Poland (and sorry for my english) and I really enjoy reading your blog:)
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