A while back I wrote an article called “Reasons vs Excuses.” In it, I posted the “No Excuses Mom” picture along with my confusion as to why it was considered aggressive.
I don’t have Excuses, I have Reasons!
One thing I love about the folks who post on this blog, and those who respond to my articles on Facebook, is that they often help me clarify my thinking. Someone will make an offhanded comment that will sit with me, and very often it will expand my thinking, help me define it, or sometimes even change it.
Here is what I wrote:
I personally didn’t find the photo aggressive or feel like she was calling me out. I felt like it was a great response to the “I have no time” Excuse that I sometimes have, more of a “Well, if she can do it with 3 kids, sure, I can do it with no kids.”
I’ve changed my thinking on this, and it was a random photo and comment I saw on Reddit. It was a picture of a one-legged man doing a jiu jitsu tournament. The person titled it “What’s your excuse?”
The comments that followed were both hilarious and enlightening:
“I have too many legs.”
“Throwing up just a pic without even his name & saying ‘What’s your excuse?’ just kind of treats him like nothing more than a prop for motivating the able bodied.”
Original Poster: “He’s only practicing Jiu Jitsu since 2012, but has already won 3 championships. Watching him fight is something that renders your excuses invalid.”
Reply: “Excuses for what? Impressive that he’s accomplished so much already, but I don’t see the purpose of this vague finger wagging over “excuses” we’re all apparently making.”
The big thing I see is that when you say “What’s your excuse” it immediately implies you have an excuse for not doing as much X as Y person believes you should. It’s coming from a generally hostile place of finger pointing and stink eyes.
This is my Evil Teacher look – “What’s your excuse for not doing YOUR homework???”
Consider this: What if the same image were entitled “What’s keeping you from succeeding?” or “What’s stopping YOU?” or even “If I can do it, you can too.”
And yes, it might be splitting hairs. One could easily argue “ERRMERRRGERRRD ERTS THER SRMMM THRRNG” (omg it’s the same thing), but words matter. Kindness matters. Words are the difference between motivating and demotivating someone.
Consider this ad – it’s in the same camp as “What’s Your Excuse,” but for me it reads differently. I’ve posted this before, and it DEFINITELY makes me reassess my own reasons for not doing something:
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obdd31Q9PqA]
But why is it so different? Is it because he doesn’t actually SAY “What’s your damn excuse” but instead just uses lame excuses people uses? Is it because the things he says sound ridiculous based on what he’s overcome? Does it come across as aggressive? Maybe it’s because it encouraged me to introspect – am I really letting an excuse stand in the way of what I really want. Then again, I loved this to get my butt in gear a while back:
For me “I’m not in the mood” is probably MY most used excuse
So I am officially anti-“What’s your excuse” now. Thanks everyone for helping turn around and clarify that thinking. Instead, now I’m a “You can do it” person. I’m a “Are you standing in the way of achieving your dreams?” person. I think it’s true that all people are capable of (and often are victims of) self sabotage, and for me, it’s a heartfelt question to ask “Why” and to encourage that introspection.
Jiu Jiu’s Question: Have your thoughts on the “What’s Your Excuse” movement changed at all? What do you think about the Nike ad – does it feel different? Why or why not? What messages do you tend to find motivating and enlightening?
That video is a great example. I don’t like the physically disabled in general being used as inspiration props, but the video does a MUCH better term defining the word “excuse”, which is what the Kang poster didn’t do. It might have made sense to her in her circles (the concept of what an excuse is is much more clearly defined as “something that keeps you from reaching your fitness goals”), but outside, in a world where “excuse” is frequently used to chastise (like your teacher example), it’s very different.
It’s all in knowing your audience…
And SUCH a good point about the BJJ guy. This is possibly my biggest pet peeve in BJJ, so I try not to talk about it too much (I’d end up in angry rants on the FB pages of half my friends), but the community has a real problem with how we frequently define “motivation”.
I find this kind of combative, provocative messaging doesn’t help move people forward. They tend to dig in deeper to where they are. What works better is to ask “what are your goals?” and then follow up with “Do your actions match your stated goals? If not, then they are not your goals they are your aspirations.” None of which fits on a bumpersticker or FB meme but the truth rarely does.
LOVE the Dune reference.
I don’t mind the first photo at all. I think it puts some people on the defensive though, so it’s not inspiring.
100% honest: whenever I’m not in the mood to train, I think of Gurney Halleck.
I just started practicing BJJ it’s been a month now. How soon can I compete? I really don’t care about winning but of course I will try my best not to lose. I have never competed in anything before and would love to compete just to see how it feels and maybe learn from it…I have rolled with some white belts in class and they are not able to submit me. I have a strong grip and I am very strong. I forget the moves ones I have a good position and I find myself wondering what move to do. All the opportunities are there but my brain won’t function…I feel disappointed at times. I am a female only 5ft 125 lbs and I feel that I am not taken seriously at times except by those who i roll with. I have fallen in love with BJJ, I have never felt like this about anything else…I have a hard time sleeping just thinking about my next class.
I have two issues with “What’s Your Excuse?”
1. It asserts the idea that we all have the same opportunities. While the “What’s Your Excuse?” mom has an amazing body, some people just won’t ever look like that even if they work out constantly and keep a strict diet. To assume that everyone who doesn’t look that way is making excuses is ignorant.
2. “What’s Your Excuse?” sounds a lot like “If I can do it, then so can you,” which stinks of unbridled privilege. The point of view is essentially that the speaker had it worse than anyone else, and overcame odds that greater than the audience will ever have to deal with. I can’t take people like this seriously unless they’ve actually dealt with comically-absurd levels of adversity (i.e. you escaped from slavery while having neither arms nor eyes, only to learn that you’re the last survivor of a genocide). It’s an arrogant grab for moral high ground when none actually exists.
I’m much more motivated by people who reach their goals through slow, steady deliberation. I’m essentially a regular guy. I love BJJ, but it’s not my whole life. I go to work, I hang out with my wife and cats, I watch tv, I do BJJ, I listen to music, etc. For me, BJJ is not about being the best. It’s about enjoying myself, staying healthy, and building my game around sustainable technique. I’m inspired most by those who plug away at their passions in moderation, year after year, all the while attending to their other responsibilities and living a full life.
This! So much this! A thousand times this!
I agree with your take on the fit mom picture. “You can do it too” would be a much better motivator than “you’re lazy, I’m better than you, and aren’t my kids the cutest too?” Horrible presentation of what could have been a good message. She may be a professional fitness trainer/model but her branding and social awareness skills are terribly amateur.
My issue has always been that there are genuine reasons why some people don’t train and just because someone else, who on the face of it, has a similar life to yours, doesn’t mean that it’s exactly the same. The mom with the three kids- who takes care of her kids whilst she trains, does she have any underlying health disorders that need to be treated first, can she afford to train, does her work schedule allow her to train ? A single mother, with no support and limited income is not going to be able to train in the same way that a mother with child care support and expendable income can.
Health wise- I was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid 11 yrs ago. For the first 4-5 yrs I hadn’t reached therapeutic treatment range. I couldn’t have done physical exercise even if I’d had all the money and time in the world- I simply did not have the energy. It didn’t exist- not an excuse, fact.
In 4 weeks time I’m having a fair amount of surgery. I will not be allowed to train BJJ for 6 weeks. I cannot lift anything heavier than 2kg. Is that an excuse? Yes it is, but it’s also a reason. I hate this no excuses business because people train when they are injured and have been advised to stay off the mats. They train because they believe the no excuses thing and end up jeopardising their future health.
Totally agree with you. I think reasonable folks get that. My reaction to “Quitting is not an option” is “Umm it TOTALLY is an option.”
I also think that cramming things in people’s faces rarely is that motivating. Well, some are motivated that way, but others are completely turned off by it. I used to work with this total tool – a gym rat guy completely full of himself. He said “You should go to the gym.” I said “I won’t. I have zero interest in going to the gym.” Then he would just repeat himself “Yeah, but you’ll lose weight faster” Me: “I WON’T GO TO THE GYM. FUCK OFF.” and he would just repeat himself.
People need to get there on their own. Sure, encourage them, but don’t just ignore what they say.
Here is a recent example of what I would consider to be a much better inspirational story from reddit: http://www.reddit.com/r/bjj/comments/22ivzr/my_friend_and_training_partner_is_a_true/
Holy good lord! Thank you for sharing that link!
I just want to say, from teacher to teacher, that I LOVE your Evil Teacher look!