Something unthinkable happened! A Korean female friend of mine actually agreed to go to a jiu jitsu class with me! She went with me on Monday and had a good time. The class was SUPER tiny – only me (a blue belt), a white belt guy, her, and the black belt instructor.
On our way to the class, she started getting a little nervous about what she could or couldn’t do. I told her she was only expected to learn and know ONE THING: your safeword is TAP. Okay I didn’t say that. I said “If it hurts, tap. If you want it to stop, tap.”
Note: video contains sexual humor, so if you are easily offended, don’t watch.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhDlyda1mDc]
So I gave her her safeword on the way to class, and throughout the class I reaffirmed that one single lesson: tap. When she was feeling a bit anxious about not being able to do things I asked “What do you need to learn today?” “Tap.” It gave her a sense of relief to know she was only responsible for that one tiny bit.
This idea of a BJJ safeword is incredibly important. And it’s important that you get it right. I remember when I started someone told me “Ouch does NOT mean stop.” Yes, if you start screaming I will stop, but everyone is responsible for learning that TAP makes someone stop. With my friend, when we practiced chokes, at the point where she started making aaaaccckkk noises, I reminded her of her safeword.
I think it’s important to reinforce this with beginners at every chance possible. I think that it’s too easy for new people to start thinking tapping = losing, or that you’re somehow BETTER if you don’t tap. Ridiculous, dear white belt! Keith Owen, a BJJ black belt, talks about how he’s tapped 10,000 times – and you need to meet this quota before you can earn your black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. It’s a 9 minute video, but worth the watch.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JsEOI5sLRM]
I feel confident that my partner will tap, I can train much easier because I TRUST that they will tap if it’s too much. With a new person I monitoring their face and body language for the “omg it’s too much” look, and I will remind them to tap, that there’s no shame in tapping, etc. Hell, I used to tap when I was feeling claustrophobic. White belts MUST TRAIN THE TAP. In all sincerity, your partner MUST trust that you will tap, so you need to practice it – with your foot, your hand, your mouth. Get it right. It’s the most important first lesson you can possibly learn in jiu jitsu, and you should repeat it every class.
I’m personally concerned about leg locks. I KNOW when to tap on an armbar – I can feel if someone has a great setup and I can tap early enough. I am so inexperienced with leglocks, however, that I don’t know the tap timing.
Leg submissions are deceptive because your opponent won’t necessarily feel pain until it’s too late and something is torn or broken. Unlike muscles and tendons, cartilage and the ligaments in the knee and foot are not well innervated. This means they do not have many nerve endings in them so there is little pain until they tear. You just feel pressure on the joint before the tear, then comes the pain. – From no-gi-grappling.com
My gym rarely uses or teaches leg locks, so it’s something I am aware that I have deficiencies in, and if I’m rolling with someone who uses them, I ask them to tell me when to tap. I tell them that if they know it’s set up, to please bring it to my attention so I can learn when to tap. The only one I for sure know is a straight ankle lock.
This is totally NSFW, but daaang it’s funny – it’s from Portlandia:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldQGPwuHhkM]
Have you ever had an injury because you didn’t tap fast enough? Have you ever injured someone because they didn’t tap? Is there anyone in your gym that you don’t trust to tap early enough?
Great post today. You’re very right that the TAP is important and I’ve never really thought about it thoroughly. I can’t say that I’ve been injured or hurt someone else, but reading this post has made me aware that I have felt the anxiety of not trusting my partner will tap. I didn’t realize at the time that was the trouble, but now I can do my part in helping to communicate to newbies the importance of that fundamental part of BJJ training.
We have two little kids who train at our gym. They’re around age 10-13. Unfortunately, I don’t trust them to tap. The girl tends to sort of “freeze up” – she’ll protect against the choke, and just lay there defensively without actually doing anything. I’ve had to tell her “please tap” because I don’t trust that she will.
I’ve never been hurt from lack of tapping. I a huge subscriber to tap early, tap often. I think my horrifying beginnings in BJJ had me tapping so often, I never really been phased by it.
I have however, hurt someone who refused to tap. It was two years ago, but I feel bad about it to this day. Normally, I am the type of person who lets go of submissions if someone wants to get their panties in a bunch about tapping. It’s not that important to me. If I know I have it, and my partner doesn’t want to acknowledge it, shame on them.. but it’s no skin off my back.
Once though, I was put to grapple a guy and he said to me before we grappled, “I will never tap to a girl.”
So, I went after him like I’d never gone after anyone before… got a hold of a submission, and put it on pretty fast, but not to the point of injury, to the point of… You need to tap now, sir. But he didn’t… so I slooowly hipped in… Still no tap.. He started to go buck wild, but no tapping… So, I sloooowly hipped in more. I could see him grimacing, but he didn’t tap… so I just held it there.. and then… POP! I flew off him, and even though I could CLEARLY see he was in pain, he asked me why I let go, finished our grapple, then sat out the rest of class, but never admitted to being hurt.
I didn’t have to do that. I could have just let it go, but I didn’t. Granted, if he for one second could have stopped acting like a epic douche, it wouldn’t even be an issue, but I could have been the bigger person. He btw, didn’t last very long. He quit a few months later. (And I did tell on myself after class. I told Fabio what happened, and he said I did the right thing. I don’t know if he actually thought I did the right thing, or if he was just trying to get me to stop sobbing.)
There is one guy at my gym who is the most stubborn tapper I’ve ever seen. I do not trust him to tap to anything, except chokes. I would feel far less bad putting him to sleep then I would popping or breaking something. His face will turn 17 shades of red and purple before he taps, but he’ll will eventually do it.
And so ends my longest comment ever. hahaha! Sorry!
That seriously sucks. I remember a black belt telling me that he broke someone’s arm in a competition because the person refused to tap. It seemed so extreme to me.
I would be so angry that the person didn’t tap. I think if that happened to me I would STOP and say “YOU NEED TO TAP. You are putting yourself in danger.” I think you DID do the right thing. Someone comes in with that horrible attitude, they are bound to be hurt. You gave him plenty of opportunity, told him to do it, and he didn’t INTENTIONALLY. He was in pain and he needed to be responsible for that.
I hate when people feel like tapping = losing. Such crap.
I agree 100%. Tapping is learning, not losing. If people could wrap their heads around that, we’d have a lot more bad asses on our hand then just assholes. =)
I think it’s also important that TAP always means stop. No matter what is happening. I had a horrible experience while traveling. while rolling with a much larger opponent had my back and then locked me up in a body triangle. From there he did not proceed to attack anything, just squeeze…and then squeeze more…I tried defending for a bit but it was futile and I started to feel uncomfortable with this stranger. I did not trust him to not break my ribs, so I tapped. He promptly told me that ‘we don’t tap to body triangles here’. I was sooooo scared! I told him that I could tap to anything and that I didn’t trust him.
That was only one of many bad experiences I had while at this particular gym (imagine a combination of bullying and sexual harassment) I very quickly learned what my limits where…. But seriously people, a tap means stop no matter what is happening!
This makes me seriously angry. I read this last night and got so mad, and even reading it now my blood pressure is rising. No means no, and in BJJ a tap means NO. How does this person know or not know if you’ve had recurring rib injuries, brittle bones, deep bruising, etc. He doesn’t. Someone on bottom may have claustrophobia issues and if I don’t respect their tap they may have a full panic attack. Absolutely – if you feel bullied or harassed, you absolutely should have a right to say no – for no other reason than you want to.
My back injury has meant tapping to things that “normal folks” don’t tap to. Someone sets me up in a bow and arrow, if they get their knee in my spine, I’m tapping no matter if the submission is clean or not – I can’t deal with the pressure on my spine. F$C# you if you think less of me or don’t respect my boundaries. Jiu jitsu is close contact, and we need to be able to protect ourselves physically and emotionally. Tapping allows us to do so before we are hurt/flip out/have a panic attack.
Damn it I’m angry.
Oh my gosh! That’s insane! If I don’t like something I tap. No matter what it is. Once someone put their ABSURDLY stinky arm pit ON my face. I tapped. No thank you very much.
You have every right to call it quits no matter what it happening. Not cool at all. =(
Once though, I was put to grapple a guy and he said to me before we grappled, “I will never tap to a girl.”
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O……M…..Geeee. I would have gotten up and walked away without a word. What a nitwit.
Thank God he quit. We do not need egoist idiots like that in this sport.
I probably should have walked away right there, but honestly… My brain went.. “Challenge accepted.”
I guess he was right though.. He didn’t tap. Oops!
You did good. It’s a rough-sounding, but important story that you tell now. Keep being awesome.
I probably should have walked away right there, but honestly… My brain went.. “Challenge accepted.”
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🙂 Oh, don’t get me wrong- I think it was wonderful.
[…] I’m going to be referencing some other blogs, so before I go any further: John Torres’ blog post: Part 1 and Part 2 Jiu-Jiu’s blog post: The Safe Word Is Tap […]
The only thing I ever had someone say about my being female was one guy who said his mother wouldn’t let him grapple with girls for religious reasons.
When I first started, I was paired with another white belt on her first class. We were doing chokes and she tapped and then vomited all over me and herself. I felt horrible. I went into the bathroom with her and helped her clean herself off and cleaned myself off. She wanted to continue. I was really feeling guilty about the choke. Then she started to turn green and ran back into the bathroom. Turns out she was getting over the flu.
Wanted to Purell myself on the spot.