I have been caught in a terrible trap. Stop me if you’ve heard this before:
- I’ll do jiu jitsu when I’ve lost more weight.
- I’ll do jiu jitsu once I’m in better shape.
- I’ll do jiu jitsu after I move.
Ah those conditional clauses. I’ve found that they tend to be wonderfully convenient, best-intentions, excuses. They’re my mental blocks as to why I’m not doing jiu jitsu right now. They’re much better than this one: “Well, if I go to jiu jitsu on Monday, it’ll be hard to find a parking spot when I come home.” Unfortunately, that came out of my mouth last night. My husband said “Really?? THAT’S your reason to NOT do jiu jitsu? Parking?”
My status quo right now = not doing jiu jitsu
The reality is, it’s easy to keep the status quo. It’s easy to continue what you’re doing. If you’re doing a lot of jiu jitsu, it’s easy to keep doing it. If you’re not doing it, it’s easy to keep not doing it. Right now: not doing jiu jitsu > doing jiu jitsu.
In 2016 I can count the number of times I’ve done jiu jitsu on one hand. I’m a rock that is not rolling. There is no momentum. A tiny bit of momentum will move me a little, but not get me rolling. What I need to do is build that momentum. The conditional clause that has been my great excuse to not do jiu jitsu: “I’ll start doing jiu jitsu after I move.” Husband and I are moving to Huntsville, Alabama this fall. That’s like another 6 months of not-doing-jiu-jitsu excuses right there!
Thankfully, I started visiting a welcoming little gym in Virginia Beach, VA. The black belt, Diego, has been actively encouraging me to come to his class. Here was our recent exchange:
I am full of all the excuses
I will not lie. There is part of my brain that is seeking permission to NOT do jiu jitsu. I throw out excuses like “difficult parking,” “being sore,” “it takes 45 minutes to get there,” “I can start after I move” because on some level I want the people close to me to say “I totally get it.” Unfortunately they all know me, and they see right through my bullshit and call me on it. Sigh. I went to BJJ on Saturday, now I need to keep that momentum, but I won’t lie – it’s hard right now.
Jiu Jiu’s Question: What’s your status quo right now? Active? Lazy? What lame excuses have you been relying on to not be healthy lately?
I moved to a small CO town where the nearest BJJ gym is, at best, 45 minutes away. I also started a new job as a medical assistant which means I’m pulling the night shift. I’m not sure what’s a legit reason to not go and what’s just an excuse.
Oh, I have zero idea REALLY what’s the difference, but it’s important enough that I’ve tried untangling my thinking about it from time to time. I think for me the difference is, am I somehow seeking permission to not do something? When that happens, it’s definitely an excuse. If I say “I want to do this” and I mean it, then things that keep me from it feel like excuses. Right after I quit my gym I was not ready. They were actual reasons, not excuses. I didn’t want to do it. I wanted to give my heart time to heal, and I needed space.
So the real question is: do you WANT to do jiu jitsu? What’s preventing you? How can you achieve your goal? If you WANT to continue, then you can look at what is reasonable. Perhaps for you one day a week is reasonable. Perhaps two. I think that it’s really easy for your life to get in the way of what you really want to do, but only you can figure out if it’s what you really want to do.
I hope you get through the tough/gluey spot that lies between you and strong BJJ habits ++
When you move to Huntsville, please come to Birmingham to visit our gym!! We usually hold open mats saturday mornings. You would be most welcome (^o^)
Hi Sonia!! I’ll be so excited to meet you! I’m applying for jobs starting this week. It’s even possible that I’ll need to move at the end of summer to start teaching in September. Let’s keep our fingers crossed! Thank you so much for the invite!
that is the best emoji ever! where do you get it??
Hope you make it back to the mats. One way to look at it that worked for me in the past is just thinking “a day of training is better than a day of not training”. One day comes after the next and soon enough it’s a habit again and really tough to *not* train.
good luck
Hahaha it was a freebie from Facebook! I made it on the mats today and told everyone I’m going tomorrow. They’ll be doing the New York Open next weekend, so I’ll be doing other fitness things between Wednesday and Sunday, then starting to go more regularly next week. For me, the fitness aspect is really important, so as long as I’m leaving the house and doing active things, I’m cool. Next week should be normal, so my HOPE is to get a routine.
Hey J-
I’m in that space too. My bike is sitting outside… in the rain… The roads are cobblestone, the back tire squeaks, I don’t have music, I’m wiped out. Yeah, I’ve got all the excuses. I tell you what, though… I’ll go on a bike ride this week and you go to jiujitsu, and we can swap stories.
How’s that grab you?
Signed,
An actual human being
Hey P! I made it out tonight, and I’m going back tomorrow – that’s all I’m available to do this week (they have a tournament this weekend), so I’ll absolutely check in with you. I’m looking forward to hearing about your rainy day bike rides!!
Hahaha. Do jiu jitsu. I know the excuses myself. Just get out there and do it. I’m 58 years old. My body is sore a lot. All I know is I feel better when I do it. So, just do it. One day at a time.
Yeah – I was SO FREAKING TIGHT when I stepped on the mats. Bending over felt like agony in my hamstrings. Once I got warmed up and started moving – I felt normal. Until I stopped. Argh. 🙂
You could try to approach the problem from another angle: what is keeping you away from the mats? There must be some hidden hidden something lurking there. Maybe you’re actually worried about something and procrastination is what makes you feel better.
You can stay on the grass in the sun out of the dungeon or go inside, slay the dragon, find the treasure and level up 😉
You made me discover bjj. I’ll be forever grateful. You can do it!
Hi Giulia! Great name. Is the spelling Italian? I like your angle. I think what was keeping me away from the mats at first was feeling upset and frustrated. Then it just became normal, and I loved just being lazy and staying home!!
Hehehe I really like your analogy of going in the dungeon and leveling up. I’ve not heard it in relation to jiu jitsu – thanks for that! I appreciate your kind words and thoughtful comment!
Yes, italian indeed 😉
I’m an hopeless geek/nerd/fandom driven individual, and I often think of everyday life in rpg mode 😉
I understand the frustration. Oh, so well, being the only girl in my gym, and living in a country that still has a very sexist culture.
What I’m trying to focus on right now to overcome it is the fact that I actually love bjj. For me it’s source of fun and joy. I’m in full crush, for you is probably like an old lover.
And sometime I think is easier being a white belt.
Maybe the trick is to go back to the white belt mindset.
Zero expectations, just show up and do the thing 😉
I believe you can come back, maybe finding some new project related to it.
Maybe some videotutorials? *wink wink nudge nudge*
I hear you! I trained in Korea, and was often the only woman training in a very male dominated/sexist culture. Getting women to come in was so rare! I’m very thankful I had the opportunity to train with the only Korean female black belt – she pulled in many women because she was a wonderful role model.
Yes, BJJ is an old lover by this point. We have been on again off again for almost 6 years! I know we will stay together. 🙂
Hehe did you see my article about video games/BJJ? It made me laugh while I was writing it.
*comes back after reading the article*
That’s brilliant! Yeah it’s the gamification approach.
Right now I’m level 0, I’m the player stuck in a loop walking in a corner.
I’m a very slow learner, but I’ll get there.
😉
[…] Maintaining Low Mount Jiu Jiu: The Dangers Of “I’ll Do Jiu Jitsu When…” Bloody Elbow: Submission Radio #87: Brian Stann, Audie Attar, Kirik Jenness, Erik Magraken Inside […]
For me, at least, it’s as much psychological as it is physical. Sure, the body hurts, at times so badly that it keeps me awake at nights, but it’s above the eyebrows that’s the worst thing – too old, too fat, making an exhibition of myself, not getting anywhere, wasting everyone else’s time – jiujitsu is really for buffed up young men and wiry young women, not for rather pudgy older women with wrinkly necks. BUT every so often I go to a class and I realize how much I know that I didn’t know when I started doing this and that I’ve just got to keep going to learn the next thing (or the thing I forgot over again!). I’m with you, JiuJiu, both in the wish to keep going, and the desire to stay home and sit on the couch!
I don’t know you well enough to say this is the case with you, but with a lot of people it’s a problem of self perception. Their self image is that of someone who doesn’t train, so they subconsciously revert back to that self image. I wrote a blog post about this a while back on weight loss, but it’s the same kind of thing: http://jbzero.blogspot.com/2011/05/piggybacking.html
I can see what you’re saying, and I think it’s very insightful. For me, it’s mostly just my battles with Sally, and the classic “object in motion stays in motion” vs “object at rest stays at rest” scenario. I’ve been changing my mind/body slowly over 10 years, and so my “back sliding” is thankfully not all the way back at the beginning. Thanks for sharing your blog!
This is one of the good things about teaching a class: that forces me to go and train five days a week, as I don’t have a choice.
Having said that, even as a teacher, those excuses can creep in, particularly during open mat. I might not take that tough roll because I know I’m going to do lots of grappling at the weekend, so I don’t want to pick up any knocks. Or at the sillier end, I could decide to skip the specific sparring part of class (which I do in two groups with people cycling in, meaning I can always take part if I want to) because I’ve got a long bus journey I don’t want to be sweaty for. 😉
Oh my God I feel your pain!! I broke my arm rolling just after Christmas and the whole time I complained about how much I missed training, how I couldn’t wait to get back, blah blah blah…I’ve now been cleared to go back about two weeks and I’m still coming up with excuses just like yours 🙂 It’s too cold, I’ve gotten fat, my arm’s still sore etc.
I SWORE to myself that I’d go tonight and of course, I’m not. I miss it desperately but just can’t seem to make myself go back. It’s good to know I’m not the only one who feels like this and that you’ve gone back (I missed your posts by the way). I’ve committed myself to something else this evening, but next week IT’S ON!!!!! I promise.
Hey lady!! I’m checking in on you!! It’s now Tuesday. Have you gone to class yet? I went yesterday and am going tomorrow.
Much appreciated on the blog compliments. It’s been a mental hurdle coming back (no joke, some comments were about 5 months old. sad sad). I was so thankful to see that people started commenting right away, so it was very helpful in getting me back!!
I’m definitely going on Friday (I may need Saturday to recover…) and open mat on Sunday. And hopefully that will start the ball rolling, no pun intended 🙂 Keep up the good work Julia!!!
Right now, I can’t do BJJ. I broke my leg at the end of January and came off crutches on March 31st. I’m still down 3″ of thigh muscle and about 30° of ROM. Right now, I have a legitimate, doctor provided reason to not do BJJ.
My concern is what will happen when I am able to roll again. I was only 5 months into my journey when I had my accident, very much a newbie. One of my successes in BJJ has been accepting pain as part of learning, something that isn’t easy for me. Will I come up with great excuses not to do BJJ? Or play it too safe during training? Will I be too worried about my leg to really immerse myself in the lesson?
Even though I can’t train yet, I’ve stopped by the gym a couple of times to remind myself of why I love it and what that community feels like. It’s too early in my PT to plan out my return, but I think about it often and try to think of ways I could push myself to get back into it while also leaving myself room to take care of my healing parts when I need to.
Hi Julia! I totally feel your pain. I had a herniated disc just after receiving my blue belt, so I know what it’s like having the fear of reinjury and wanting to train.
For me, because it was my injury keeping out, but I still wanted to be part of the team, I continued to show up to classes. I sat on the side, took notes, and paid attention during the lesson. My teammates and coach understood that I couldn’t participate, but I still felt like I was part of the team. When I finally came back, I talked to my coach and expressed concerns. At first, I only did the learning portion of the class, and sat out for drills and sparring. Later, I participated in both the new moves and the drills. Then finally I started to do rolling – one per class for a week or two, then two times with a break in between. When I started rolling again, I only rolled with upper belts who could legitimately control themselves and have a gentler roll. They were easier to trust. Yes, at times I was very worried about my back, and I let my partner know that if anything happens I may stop suddenly.
And here I am! I hope your journey works out!!
I had just started to get more “daring” in my choice of rolling partners, I’ll probably dial back to a few instructors and some of the experienced crew (and a blue belt who pouts when I don’t roll with him, that my instructor says can be “too gentle with newbies”). It’ll be interesting to see how I work with my favorite training buddy, a four stripe white belt and the most kickass 15 year old I’ve ever met. She’s a great partner, but not particularly gentle. ? She’ll just have to pretend I’m brand new again.
Side note: My family nickname is Juju, so I really love your blog name! My “life” blog is windthisway.com, less focused on a particular topic but the majority of my content in recent months has been about BJJ.
I have a GREAT boyfriend, that after 3 weeks of me going from “I have to pack for our move”, followed by “I’m tired from moving” and finally “My foot hurts this week”… he flat out said I was now just making excuses. So the next day I went to class. BAMM! It happens!
I was reading an article recently – I think it was captainawkward.com – she said something along the lines of – if you’re avoiding doing something you know you ought to do, ask yourself why. Ugh. Stupid logic.
I like to whine to myself “uuuuuuuuu I don’t waaaaannna gooooo” and then say “okay, do it” and go to class. Everyone deserves to be a whiny kid every once in a while, then we need to adult-up and treat ourselves how we’d treat that kid in real life. 🙂