Welcome back!
I recently had a comment on my blog that I wanted to address:
I just started Bjj […] I’m almost in my third month. I can’t seem to get a submission, though I get caught plenty. I don”t get it. I have some strength, so flexibility, and I try my best to listen to what i am told. […] One class I get close to hooking a Guillotine and the next, I seem more dumb than when i started. I don’t want to be a quitter but I think I might be wasting my time and money.
I’m 100% certain you are not the only beginner who has felt that way, so I wanted to run through some thought exercises. I hope that those who have personally addressed this with others (and even themselves) reply and add to this, and those who are feeling this way respond in the comments.
Why do you think you’re wasting your time and money? Possible responses and my reactions.
I’m bad at doing jiu jitsu.
Of course you are! You’re a beginner! Everyone is terrible when they begin something. I’ll share something awful with you right now:
[youtube=http://youtu.be/0rruJVjBPno]
The cat is out of the bag. I have begun learning trumpet. I am AWFUL. I have a teacher, and this video was taken on my 4th day playing trumpet. Jiu Jiu’s note: I stopped writing and practiced trumpet after posting that video. heh.
Accept it, keep going to class, and you WILL improve.
I can’t remember anything I’m taught!
There reason I have actually learned the music and don’t forget my fingering, even though it’s only been one week since my first lesson. It’s because I have only learned 3 notes, and for 20-30 minutes a day I literally play only those 3 notes. Every day I play “Merrily We Roll Along” and winners like this: GGGG (rest x4) GGGG (rest x4) FFFF (rest x4) FFFF (rest x4). Sigh.
Compare that to your journey in jiu jitsu. You’ve gone to how many classes? How many new moves have you learned? How often have you repeated the same move?
I wrote this over on jiujitsuforums.com and I think it applies here.
…Imagine you’re taking a Chinese class and you’ve been to 9 classes. In each classes, you are exposed to 2-4 new words. You don’t review them in any of the next classes, so by class 9 you’ve sort of practiced 18-36 new words. During the conversation portion of the class, your classmate might use the words quickly, but you don’t even know how to really listen during a conversation.
That class would suck, right?
This is how most BJJ classes are taught. […] Most BJJ classes I’ve seen are NOT designed to help beginners retain what they’ve learned, or to do it in a systematic way.
In this situation, accept you will feel confused. The longer you stick with class, the more exposure you will get. You will eventually repeat techniques or patterns, and you’ll start to recognize pieces. Stick with it.
Remember that execution is one aspect of learning. Recognition, and even a glimmer of recognition, is another aspect. …
Most jiu jitsu classes are NOT taught in a methodical, systematic approach. There is a decidedly lack of repetition, by which I mean that each class generally teaches a new move rather than spend one week on the same 2-3 moves. When it DOES happen this way, students unfortunately get bored. The reality is, this is more like learning by moving to a country – you learn by exposure rather than like in a “proper classroom.”
Accept it, keep going to class, and you WILL improve.
I can’t pull off moves in sparring.
First, you’re a beginner, which means you have a tiny vocabulary. Sparring can be the equivalent of a conversation or an argument or even a debate. Unfortunately, because of your minuscule vocabulary, you don’t have an appropriate response to what people throw at you.
Second, everyone else is in there learning, too. This means that as you learn a move, they’re learning the counter move.
Third, your partners are actively trying to prevent you from using your vocabulary. They’re TRYING to shut you down. This is quite different than a compliant partner who helps you when you drill.
Accept it, keep coming to class, and the moves WILL come.
I feel dumber than when I started.
I would broker a guess that you may feel dumber than when you started because you should all over yourself. “I should remember this.” “I should know this by now.” “I should be able to do this.”
It’s nothing but crazymaking.
Second, it’s also a mark that you’re starting to learn – you’ve become more aware of how much you don’t know.
Accept where you’re actually at, keep coming to class, and you WILL get better.
To recap:
You suck because you’re a beginner. You suck because you are a beginner in a non-methodical learning environment. You suck because you’re a novice in a room full of intermediates and advanced. You suck because during sparring you’re trying to do moves that are new to you while someone is actively trying to shut you down. You suck because you’re really hard on yourself.
Guess what – sucking is the first step at being sorta good at something.
This is true in so many ways
One of our black belts said at our promotions: what makes jiu jitsu so valuable is BECAUSE it is hard. If it comes too easily, it is not worth doing.
So, if you’re thinking that you’re wasting your time and money because you’re terrible at jiu jitsu, I think you’re wrong.
Upcoming – Part 2: When you ARE wasting your time and money.
Jiu-Jiu’s Questions: For those who have been in the position of advising folks down on themselves, what advice have YOU given? For those of you really down on yourselves right now, what piece of advice has felt very helpful?
Excellent blog today! So clear! So worthwhile to read, even for an old timer. YAY!
Thank you so much!
great posts and just thought I would add my penny worth. Yes…I have at times felt like quitting and at times not attending classes and go for relaxing walk in the park. I am nearing 50 and now have 3 stripes on my white belt. Have not been training over the last 2 weeks due to eye infection. This then brings me to some advice I would like to share……a) bjj is the one sport that really forces a student to really self monitor their health. I belive success on the mat has so much to do with what you do off the mat b) I was rolling with a very fit and strong younger student who is a blue belt a few weeks ago. He literally tapped me out 10 times in 10 minutes. Yes I was absolutely frustra ted and yes I could not remember anything…however it was fun..the blue said that a white belts journey is defence which helps. I think bjj is indeed what the turtle and the rabbit story is about..don’t quit , have fun, watch yourself become the healthiest you have ever been and remember slow and steady wins the race.
Warning…this is long…i kinda feel the same, not about quitting, but about not getting it….
first…OMG, I cant tell you how much I love this post, especially because the Andrew gifs
Your reader sounds a lot like they might be like me. I started about two years ago with a few fairly long stretches taken off because of work and injuries, so say I have really been at it for a year. I am still getting submitted all the time. I am the only girl in the class and the only one that didn’t start some form of martial arts at a young age (I started at 35)…except the one guy that was a wrester. I played soccer, that was it.
I guess I should start out saying I have a wonderful instructor. We learn a few new things on Monday, he repeats himself if asked, shows us the move as many times as we need and gives really good feedback while we are drilling. Wednesday and Friday, we repeat the same thing. Hopefully it goes a bit faster since we have already seen it, but he is incredibly patient and vested in his students learning so we are free to ask any questions we need to (doesn’t happen often just because of his teaching style).
And then it is time to roll. Sometimes I get submitted a few times during a 5 minute round, sometimes I can hold on and keep moving and not get subbed. Sometimes I can move from defense to offense and keep the other person off balance so they are always on the defensive, but I almost never quite get there…it’s frustrating, yes, but it is so much fun that I won’t/can’t quit.
The hardest part for me is when I get someone where I need to have them, and then actually have to THINK about what comes next…and then oh crap I’ve lost it. Well now they know where I was going and are protecting against just that and, even if I did get them back, I would still have to think about exactly what came next. I know the end, I know the beginning, but there is a nuance that i have lost so I can’t tie the start to the finish. For example, last week I had someone ready to omaplata, almost there, thought I had him. He, also being newish, didn’t think to roll out of it so there we were stuck, him trying to stuggle to pull his arm away., me trying to push just a little bit more to get the tap. Then my brain starts…is the palm facing the right way, how are my legs supposed to be, oops grab his hip so that he can’t roll even if he wanted too…ugh why isn’t he tapping, it looks like if I keep pushing I will dislocate something on him….grrr. so then the timer sounded and we lined up….my instructor asked if we had any questions, and I asked if we could go over the omaplata again after class. He happily complied and now I know it was my legs that weren’t quite where they needed to be…just a little shift and I would have had him…do I remember exactly now, I think, will I remember when I am rolling and trying to make sure I don’t get caught as I am trying to catch someone? I don’t know, but I will keep trying.
I have noticed, I do best when I just do and don’t think. That took a while to get to. It was the same in soccer though, so that’s just a me-ism. I remember shocking the crap out of someone last year because of how quickly I moved and took their back. How did I do it? I have no idea. Didn’t even know when I was doing it, because I just did it. Its hard for me to let go like that, but when I do its AWESOME!
But, there was that elusive tap that I did get a few weeks back. I caught someone in a triangle. It was a tough fight, but I didn’t let go. My instructor saw me catch him and started into coach mode. I listened, did what I was told and he tapped. Granted, I LOVE triangles. I have long legs and they are definitely my strong point, and I am pretty sure I didn’t need the instruction, but the encouragement , I think, is what really helped. I was so excited that FINALLY two months after coming back from an injury, I wasn’t the one tapping. My instructor was happy, the guy I subbed was happy, the other guys in the class were happy. I am lucky to have just an awesome environment to train in.
Sorry about the rambling, but I just wanted to add to the post. Maybe your instructor does repeat and teaches well, maybe you need to stick around longer to build up that comradery, maybe you just need to get out of your own head, maybe you need to ease up on yourself (the last two are definitely me). I also started kajukenbo with my kids and husband and I hear our sensei say that it’s not a team sport….but I think it is. I think a good place to train is where you feel you are part of a team, you partner and help each other, you work together to improve everyone in the class and the studio itself. I have to admit, I am very invested in this. Someone at work commented how amazing it is to see me talk about bjj because my whole face lights up when I do. So yes, I love it and I hope you will too, but you gotta stick around. At the beginning, I didn’t think I would ever compete…now I am working towards it. I want to go out with the guys, I want to make the school proud.
Hi Shannon, thank you for the mutual Buffy love! I love Andrew soooo much. (The “In my plan we are beltless” is what really was the gif inspiration for my Buffy gif post.)
The thing that always runs around in my brain: if you stop, 100% you will not get better. If you stick with it, you probably will get better.
I also sometimes think about that quote about thinking:
A big part of BJJ is automating motions. It takes a LONG time to build that muscle memory. Keep at it and you’ll build it! By sticking with it and keeping a good attitude, you ARE making the school proud.
I really need to stop shoulding all over myself.
The question this person should ask: is this still fun? If not, am I making it not fun, if so stop doing that. I’m a black belt, I can roll up and choke most people, but there are people who can roll me up without breaking a sweat. It is the nature of the beast, and we (at least I) never feel like I have mastery of this subject. I’m just ‘kinda good’ and it took me a long time to get there, and this is probably about the high water mark in terms of technique+physical ability. So if this person’s enjoyment is tied to their perception of mastery they’re never going to enjoy jiu jitsu because there’s always going to be moments of failure.
Hey cool! I didn’t realize I had black belts commenting. Thanks for your input. I definitely think there are completely good reasons to quit doing something, but agreed – quitting based on your perception of mastery is not a great reason. I think it ends up being an excuse to hide the real, hidden reason. Sometimes it is that your ego simply can’t handle it, or you’re scared for your physical safety, or that it is causing stress, but it’s much easier and mentally safer to pin it on your lack of skills.
Well said.
This: “[m]ost jiu jitsu classes are NOT taught in a methodical, systematic approach. There is a decidedly lack of repetition, … The reality is, this is more like learning by moving to a country – you learn by exposure rather than like in a ‘proper classroom'” was awesome to read.
I’ve been saying this to myself the last 6-8 months & am still a little surprised that this is the style of instruction. My friend, a purple belt, was asked by our black belt to come up with a curriculum of instruction for white belts. This was my immediate suggestion to him.
I feel similar sometimes … the moves seem complex and I’m like “okay, right hand goes here, left foot on the hip …” and the whole thing just seems like some frustrating math problem. Stand-up martial arts by comparison comes exceptionally easy for me and i have a lot of power, I can bang with the boys, I feel like “Yes! I can still kick butt.” Then in BJJ I get into a roll with a guy (most of the time I am the only woman and the oldest in class, including the instructor) and have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing. I have no plan, I can’t think of where I’m supposed to go next outside of trying not to get caught (and inevitably then I do) . As I said on another thread, last night my instructor said he thought my conditioning was very good but that my technique needed a lot of work. I can’t decide if he said that because he thinks I have good potential for my age (I’m 46 and found my athletic alter ego at 44) or because he’s like “Seriously? What the heck is this woman attempting to do,” like by now I should maybe have figured out more than I have. Then on the other hand, two weeks ago at class I had great rolls, with all men, made one of them tap with an armbar and held my own with several others. Maybe they were going easy? Ugh, I don’t know. It’s only been about five weeks, so you can’t really know anything in five weeks. Or, to the point of the original poster, three months. Three months is still such a short time to have a handle on such a complex art.
I identify a lot with what Shannon said. I love this particular post, Jiu Jiu, so I’ll probably re-read it a lot when I’m feeling stupid or like I’m not progressing. i’m still in the phase myself where I’m apprehensive before every class, but once I get in and warmup is over I start to relax. By the end, I’m glad I was there, even if I didn’t have great rolls.
I think I really like Jiu Jiu’s black belt’s quote about BJJ being important and special *because* it’s hard. That helps put things in perspective.
TOTALLY in tune with this blog – not with JiuJiu’s response, but with the original comments, and I’ve been at this for nearly three years now…..I’m not as prone to think I’m wasting mine and everyone else’s time as I used to be, but it still comes upon me once a week or so – I try and train three times a week) that I really shouldn’t be making a fool of my elderly self by trying to figure out how to choke men 30 years younger than me (or even 40 years younger – damn! I am elderly), and realizing that I’m an even slower learner for physical things than I was when I was actually young enough for it to seem even vaguely sensible to try and learn it. So, given that the alternatives aren’t more appealing (TV, knitting, yard work, work work and so forth, and I can do those things alongside jiujitsu), I shall just keep going to class until I really can’t go anymore. And that’s my advice to myself when I’m losing hope – I wrote it down in my training journal (not really a journal, just a bunch of intermittent scribblings) – don’t think about where you are in relation to where anyone else is, or where you want to be eventually – just go to class and let it happen. It probably will, and, if it doesn’t, you’ll certainly be in better shape and better able to look after yourself than if you stayed at home!
[…] Should I Quit BJJ? […]
I always tell my new students (beginner’s class): “I know this movement seems impossible, but it’s only because it’s new. If I filled the gym with twin sized beds and had you all do “get out of bed drills” you would all be experts because you’ve been doing it a long time. But once upon a time…you couldn’t manage it. You rolled and fell an jumped but eventually you figured it out. This is EXACTLY the same, so don’t get frustrated. Just know that you are doing great”!
Hmmm. I might only be a blue belt in getting out of bed. I often tap to my snooze button.
I needed this after tonight!! I’ve been training for three months at 2-3 days per week and I have good days and bad days but tonight was brutal! Smashed from start of class to the end. I’m not a quitter so I will take your advice. Thanx Jiu Jiu
There will ALWAYS be a bad day! I hate the thought of quitting as a reactionary decision, especially since I love it so much. Some days you just get the snot smashed out of you and you think “Am I really paying money to get my face ground in the mat?” if you can survive those and survive your mental process, you can! 🙂