Happy three year BJJ anniversary to me! Looks like a good time to reflect on my progress.
In the beginning, EVERYTHING was hard. Everything was a struggle, and nothing was or came easily. Shrimping was difficult, forward rolls were impossible, and escaping – fuggedaboutit. And yet I struggled through without grumbling, complaining – it was head on into the fray, my friends!
Fast forward to three years later. We’re practicing the berimbolo in class – an advanced move – and I find myself internally grumbling. Complaining within myself. Internal eye rolling. GAH – NOT THIS AGAIN! Blech I hate the berimbolo!
Just say NO to berimbolo!
Then I stopped and asked myself “Why do I hate this?” There are moves I dislike because they hurt or because my legs just flat out don’t stretch far, and I’ve screamed because my partner pushed my knee down too far. For me, that’s a legitimate reason to dislike something. Unfortunately, the reason I disliked the berimbolo was that I was not good at it. I felt stupid when I did it because I couldn’t do it right. I felt like a newbie. Disliking it because I’m bad at it – that’s ego, and it’s really not cool.
What a change that is from three years ago, and not a good one, in my opinion. Why is it I shrink from a challenge rather than run toward it now? I tell my students that if they make mistakes during my English class, that they should embrace those and use it as study points – they’ve identified areas of weaknesses and now can strengthen them. Unfortunately, like my students, I’ve gotten comfortable at the things I’m better at and want to do those things rather than do things I am terrible at.
How about you – when you are presented with a move you are not good at or realize you absolutely suck at, how do you internally deal with it? Do you face it head on? Do you avoid it? Do you grumble at it? Do you drill it? Am I the only one guilty of hiding behind my ego?
I try to challenge my students everytime. I often give our colored belts tasks, like submission only from closed guard… Personally I suck at so many things on the mat and as my blog pretty clearly states I don’t have a problem with it… 😀
I think that when you are teaching, looking like you don’t know what you’re doing is even a bigger personal challenge. Being up front is so important. I remember some of our black belts within our network saying “This is a new move for me, and I’m definitely not great at it.” and he went on to talk about how wonderful jiu jitsu was and that even 15 years in he was still learning things.
Congratulations on the anniversary! I’ve only been reading your blog for a short time, but I’ve made it a point to go back to the beginning and work my way to the present. You should be very proud of everything you’ve accomplished!
But to answer your question, I try to face things head on. When I was recovering from a very serious accident years ago, I found I was starting that downward spiral into depression. I basically gave up on everything without really realizing it. So I sought help and am in no way ashamed of saying that. The woman I worked with showed me a bunch of “internal tools” to use, and I find myself using these same tools on the mats.
Whenever I’m in a situation where things are just not clicking – whether that’s from my own physical limitations or whatever – I always ask myself “Well, what is working?” There’s usually something in the sequence of moves that’s going right; pressure, transitions, etc. Once I find that I ask “How do I improve it?” Simply asking myself those questions keeps me in the positive instead of sliding into that I Suck mindset. Plus, finding what’s working will usually give me a clue of what direction or thing to focus on. I have to keep it positive, even if I know if what we’re learning will never become part of my game, or at least the game I currently play.
And from there I’ll try and drill it until I drop. If it’s still not clicking… pfft, whatever, let’s move on. And hiding behind ego is a natural thing. I’m guilty of that as well. I think that mid to high blue belts are in a weird place. We’re almost to that place where Jiu Jitsu is becoming our own, yet still make stupid mistakes relatively speaking. It’s tough sometimes to realize you’re still a beginner in the big scheme of things, even years after starting.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Wow – I am glad that you’ve been entertained by my blog! ^_^ Thanks for reading.
I definitely don’t have an issue with the idea of sucking, which is why it really shocked me that that’s why I disliked doing certain moves. Seriously – after writing articles like <Why It's Cool to Suck at Jiu Jitsu it just came as a weird shock.
There are a few takedowns I’m terrible at. I blame my height (6’2″) and tell people that I’ll get my opponent on the ground somehow. I’ll confess that I don’t drill what I’m bad at and focus more on what I’m good at. I call it “my game.” There are many things I tell myself to get around things so I have more rolling time.
I’m still a beginner – so I haven’t found things I DON’T suck at. I admit, though… I still grumble. “I”m not strong enough!” “My legs/arms/torso/ears/whatever are too short!” I don’t have the arms/weight/leverage/etc to make this work!”
Excuses. I know they’re excuses, and I’m trying not to use them. I mean – mark it, I’m grumbling WHILE I DRILL IT. Over and over, because I sure as hell can’t make it work otherwise. But still.
I don’t think I came into it not grumbling. I came into it knowing I suck, expecting to suck for a good long time. But its my nature to grumble. To tell my instructor about the “poems” I’m composing in my head during stupid-intense warmups. To express my frustration at being swept like a pebble with “I’m just not heavy enough!” even when I realize its more about WHERE I’m setting my weight. 🙂
I think I’ll know I’m improving when I grumble less! Or pick up an ego. An ego would be REALLY nice. Mine gets smashed into the mat every class.
Oooh – one thing to note is that you CAN ask your instructor how to modify things.
For example, there was a move where we had to put our shoulder in the opponent’s shoulder, then reach down and grab his knee. I literally could only reach his hip because he was a foot taller than me. It was a time when it was not an excuse, but I could not properly execute the move. It’s good to get in the habit of asking “Is it because of size/weight that I am having difficulty or is it because I’m not doing it right.” If it IS size/weight, then asking how to modify it is a good thing.
Hahahaha when I started, I was so off balance that I would sweep myself. Seriously – try to pass someone’s guard and BOOM on my butt. hahaha they had done NOTHING. Now I can even thwart attempts!
I’ve been at this for five weeks and, for the first time ever, just “got” something my coach taught the first time he said it. I’ve been dancing a jig since Monday. I’m still in that “it all sucks” phase, where I’m looking for minute pieces of growth and celebrating those. I almost reversed a take down last night. Huzzah!
What I’ve learned from years of teaching dance is that, whenever you learn a thing, there is a progression. You have to identify what to do. Then you have to remember what to do. Then you have to recognize when to do it. Then you have to adjust the technique to the situation. Moving through each of these phases takes an indeterminate amount of time and each phase has it’s own learning progression. The problem with smart people learning a physical art is that their brains learn faster than their bodies, so there’s this lag time where you’re swimming in a stew of frustration. I wonder if what you’re experiencing is truly ego. Wouldn’t ego just refuse to learn the movement or make excuses as to why it’s unimportant? I only know you from your blog, but I’m kinda feeling as though your dislike may be a very natural response to the place where your sitting in the curve of learning. I wonder if you can execute the sequence better now than when you first began your practice of it. I apologize if I’m presuming to much.
Of course, there’s also the expectation aspect. As we develop, we expect our bodies and our minds to perform at a certain level; whatever that may be. When we fail our own expectations, it’s pretty natural to feel like you want to tear your hair out. What would happen if you allowed yourself to suck at something; to enjoy feeling like an awkward turnip? I mean, if the road is gonna suck, you might as well whistle a tune and enjoy what you can…but that’s just me and I’m a goofball.
I think it’s perfectly normal to move away from any kind of unpleasantness. If something makes you feel clumsy or stupid, why would you want to live there? On the other hand, it’s pretty cool when you finally nail it. And you *will* nail it, it’s just a matter of time. Remember when you finally could shrimp well? How about the first time you escaped a sub? How amazing did it feel? So here you are, a blue belt with three years in, and you have an opportunity to feel that incredible sense of triumph and accomplishment – only this time at a higher level. What a precious gift! I’m sitting here and I’m so happy for you…and beyond thrilled to know that it keeps getting better.
On a completely unrelated note, I wanted to say thank you. I’m competing in my first tournament on Saturday. I made the decision because of what I read in your blog. Whatever happens, I know I’ll have a great time and I’ll learn something. You’re an inspiration! I hope you keep us posted about your progress with the dreaded Berimbolo.
In language there are similar concepts – you need to recognize, remember, recall, produce, etc. Similarly, though, as you get higher up the ranks, both in jiu jitsu and in language, there are fewer of these “wins”. What I mean is – when I FIRST ordered food over the phone in Korea it was A Big Deal. Now, if I do it better it’s a win, but doesn’t feel like the same type of win.
Similarly, if I’d been doing something mediocre-ly and then got it better, it’s more gradual and less AHA! So while there ARE those moments, they are fewer and further between than as a beginner. And that’s okay, but it is also one reason why it’s cool to be a beginner – loads to celebrate!
No dark clouds and storms here, just an unhappy surprise that was revealed.
Isn’t it crazy how you have to constantly fight off your “comfort zone”? I still think I was more brave when I started than I am now, so I totally feel you.
Yes! Grrr. It’s the same in a lot of places, though. In Peace Corps, it’s like most PCVs used up their “flexibility” in the application process and when they got to the country they stopped being able to be flexible. I used up my “okay to feel uncomfortable” cards in my first year of training. Sigh. ^_^
Having a grumble is cool, as long as you get on with things. I moan about everything, it’s part of my charming ‘character’.
The only thing that will ever hold you back in BJJ is you. I had a bit of an epiphany to that thought the other night, which may be a bit slow in the brain. I’m taking the mentality now of, if you cannot do something, keep doing it until you can.
Yeah. I don’t want to be a big grumble monster about everything, though! 🙁 I do agree – the thing that holds me back the most is me.
In terms of technique, there are lots I pretty much ignore, but for a slightly different reason. I have limited time to train, so I would much rather invest that into techniques I believe are long term, rather than short term. By that, I mean I want to work on techniques that do not depend on physical attributes like strength, speed or flexibility, as those should remain viable when my body becomes even weaker than it is now as I get older.
I also don’t want to work on techniques that have too many moving parts, given that there are so many tried and tested techniques which are at that level ‘simple’. E.g., a rear naked choke is not complicated when it comes to mechanics, the difficulty is in the set-up and fine details. That’s the kind of thing I find rewarding to learn. I like basic and efficient.
For me, the berimbolo is currently on the enormous ‘maybe later’ list. It is important to know how to defend against anything that might crop up in sparring, so I guess that part is worth knowing, but I have zero interest in berimboloing anybody. Admittedly I also have an instinctive aversion to anything fashionable, so that puts me off as well. 😉
I agree with what you’re saying, but when the instructor decides “We’re working on the Monkey Steals the Peach” I don’t have the option to ignore it and decide “meh – I’d rather not.” But in my free time I can choose not to work on it!
I can usually do whatever Robson throws at us. There are those things though, that I struggle to do well. I dislike not being able to complete a move, with at least some degree of finesse, while drilling. Therefore, I can’t bring myself to quit. I’m not very good at giving up, even when it’s hard. Too stubborn. So I’ll keep going until it gets better. However, a little less than a year and a half in, I do at times choose to spend more time on basics like shoulder pressure, being heavy in, and maintaining side control, basic submissions, maintaining mount, and taking the back. Especially while rolling. I just think of the whole thing as a refinement process. When I find a weakness or make a mistake, I adjust.
Yeah – I’m at the point where I can often do things, but do them very clumsily or poorly. But this is very different than not being able to execute moves whatsoever.