Whenever I see things on Facebook, I immediately relate it back to jiu jitsu. Call it the curse of single-mindedness.
I tend to be all about the power of positive self talk. I believe in being kind to yourself, not being too rough on yourself for sucking, and changing negative phrases, such as “I don’t have time” into positive ones “I choose (not) to do A because I want B.” When I came across this poster by National Association of School Psychologists, I immediately applied it to jiu jitsu. It works.
From National Association of School Psychologists!
I know that even before reading this, I had been saying “It’s not that it’s impossible – it’s that I’m missing a step.” I also realized – it’s not that I’m bad – it’s that I’m not training very much.
Jiu Jiu’s Question: Which of these negative phrases can you turn into positive ones in your own life? Which are you “guilty” of? Had you already transformed some of these into your brain?
Before I started martial arts, I genuinely believed that I simply couldn’t do sports. It didn’t occur to me to try to change that because I assumed it was just a gift I was born without. While I still have no natural talent or athletic ability to speak of, I have learned a lot of skills, and I’ve become fitter and stronger than I ever thought I could be. Learning kickboxing and BJJ has changed my attitude to everything. Sure, something might not come easily to me but that doesn’t mean I’m incapable of it.
My favourite quote about this: “I have not failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” (Edison)
Interesting. I like most of those, except the “It’s good enough | Is it really my best work?”
I prefer the interpretation that came out of some work-related training a while back, about dealing with stress. The thinking there was that ‘good enough’ is ok, it doesn’t have to be perfect every time.
Of course, I’m guessing that’s aimed more at people who are so super-perfectionist that they cause themselves massive stress all the time by being way too thorough. I’m generally more than happy with ‘good enough’, but I’m also quite lazy. :p
But you get how math works on BJJ? 🙂 LOL j/k.
Really good! I think that everyone who trains jiu jitsu, once a time have felt that he/she couldn’t do one or two techniques or a lot of them! The frustrated feeling of being tapped every training session, to listen your professor saying what are you doing wrong and keeping doing it wrong…
You start to have bad thoughs, and think about the left column itens…
Congrats, Julia! Loved this post!
Hi Pedro! I agree – it can feel very overwhelming and defeating. I just hope people can focus on positive aspects and make training wonderful.
Thanks for the compliments!
One of the best lessons I learned on the mats is “it’s just data.” Sort of rolling as a biofeedback mechanism. Collect data, analyze data, alter hypothesis, repeat experiment.
It really short circuits a lot of the negative self talk as it takes all of the value statements away, but then I’m a computer dork so that sort of thinking comes fairly natural to me.. and I’m already starting with the base assumption: “I can be good at this, I just need to figure it out.”
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My negative self-talk runs more towards “you are the worst” “you are embarrassing yourself” and “your teammate must wonder why you haven’t quit yet.”
I’m really working at turning that into “you’re better than you were six months ago” “you are dong this for yourself” and “bjj is MADE for people who need it. Not /just/ the ones who excel from the get.”
It’s funny – when I started, I was totally cool being the worst. In fact, I said “Hey, SOMEONE’S got to be the worst – it may as well be me!” My skills have surpassed “worst” and I am now simply the worst blue belt. lol. No longer THE worst, but I like to think that I give white belts more confidence. hahahaha.
Then all of a sudden someone gives you a wonderful compliment – “Wow – I couldn’t believe how fast your triangle was!!” Me: “huh?” Very cool and very unexpected.
Good for you – I REALLY think you are correct – we are missing something if we feel that only the BEST “deserve” to do jiu jitsu and the rest should quit. That would be really sad.
I’m not good at this. In fact, I’m useless and hopeless at anything physical and should go home and get out my knitting. I could probably do yard work well, but jujitsu – what possessed me to think I could possibly learn anything or become a useful partner to anyone?. My coach made a mistake giving me a blue belt. How’s that for negative self talk? I’m an expert – years of practice! And the positive translation is short and pithy – Flossie, you’re wrong! Just go to class.
I could have written most of that word for word Flossie! My teammate and I were just discussing yesterday how we worry about not living up to our stripes at competitions/seminars and how we really have to trust that our instructor knows what he is doing. Also, it’s people like you, who didn’t breeze in and find it easy, who give me inspiration that I can do it too.
Sometimes it is okay to just acknowledge that you are not good at something. Not everyone is talented in every area. Some are really bad in budgeting no matter how hard they try, some are really bad in doing triangles. I don’t like takedowns, I don’t want to practice 10000 times, I just prefer to not spend my time on it. I am not good at them and I don’t really care. Then there are things I really like, and enjoy figuring out how to get better at them. Not being good at one thing in my life should not derail my whole day 🙂
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