So you think your BJJ teammate is hot

A Choose Your Own Adventure story by Jiu Jiu.

Your BJJ teammate has a great looking face, nice body, and you share the same hobby! Excellent! What should you do now?  Ask them out, of course!

If they say yes, read paragraph A. If they say no, paragraph B.

A. I’d love to go out with you! Congratulations! You guys go out on a date. If it goes well, read paragraph C. If it doesn’t go well, paragraph D.

B. “Thanks, but I want to focus on my BJJ now.” Wow, tough breaks. There are other fish in the sea. If you’d like to handle this maturely, turn to paragraph E. If you’d like to raise a stink, paragraph F.

C. Your date went well! You guys connected, you get the feeling they want to see you more, and you can’t wait to go out again. You see them the next day during BJJ class. If you flirt with them, turn to paragraph G. If you keep things professional, paragraph H.

D. That really sucked. Wow – what an awful date. There was no chemistry and you actually spilled wine all over them. Unfortunately this definitely won’t be happening again. If you want to act maturely about it, turn to paragraph K. If you are a sad, mopey mess, paragraph L.

E. Ah well. Hey – nothing ventured nothing gained. You act normally around them, you train together normally, and although you continue to wonder “what if” you drop it and focus on the BJJ. You and your teammate work together earnestly to practice for the upcoming tournament, and when you eventually make it to the mundials and you both earn gold medals! Congratulations – you have a teammate for life! The End.

F. Stupid jerk. How dare they not respond to your charm! If you continue to pursue them, turn to paragraph I. If you punish them, turn to paragraph J.

G. Hey baby. After that smokin hot date, you see them in class. Your eyes lock and you know they’re thinking the same thing as you. You smile as you see them and are a bit disappointed when they choose a different drilling partner. However, success! You have a chance to spar with them, and once you start rolling, you take their back and whisper in their ear “This is what I’ll do to you later.” You continue your awesome game throughout class, and every time you see them. Unfortunately, your coach and teammates and your partner all feel uncomfortable by your actions, and you’re asked to leave. Choose a new BJJ club. The End.

H. Keepin it real. You go the professional route. Your BJJ is terribly important to you and it is to your partner as well. When you are in class with them, they’re just another teammate. You might be thinking “ooh la la” but you keep that to yourself. You only bust out with the “sexjitsu” stuff when you guys are “wrestling” in private. But when it’s time for jiu jitsu – you are all business. You and your teammate progress, and your coach and your teammates feel comfortable around you guys. Congratulations! You have a successful relationship! You get married and have lots of BJJ babies. The End.

I. They just don’t realize what they’re missing. You need to let them know. You ask them out each class, when you’re drilling you make sure that you’re extra close and that you’re wearing your sexiest scents. You let them know that this BJJ stuff is “transferable” if you know what I mean, and I think you do. Your coach comes and talks to you and says you’ve been sexually harassing your teammate. Choose a new BJJ club. The End.

J. Stupid jerk. How dare they rebuff you! They’re going to know they can’t get away with this. When you’re partnered with them you make snide remarks about their techniques. You roll with them roughly and never give an inch. When you’re not rolling you talk about how stuck up they are with your other teammates. Your coach comes and talks to you and says you’ve been harassing your teammate. Choose another BJJ club. The End.

K. There are other fish in the sea. Hey – sometimes these things don’t work out! You go back to class, with the intention of going back to how they were. You see that person. If you feel awkward, read paragraph M. If you feel okay, read paragraph N.

L. Oh my god I was such an idiot. You go to class the next day and see them there. Tears well up in your eyes for the BJJ babies you won’t be having with this person. How could things have gone so poorly. You mope about and have lost your luster. BJJ just isn’t the same. Your coach comes and talks to you and says you’ve been making your teammate feel uncomfortable. Find a new BJJ gym. The End.

M. Oh god this is worse than I thought! You get to class and see them and you can’t make eye contact! When your coach has you partner up together and you’re practicing north south, your face turns red and you decide to sit out. You aren’t sure how to spar with them – are they going to think you’re flirting? Oh god! Your coach comes to talk to you – you’re making your teammate feel incredibly uncomfortable. Find a new BJJ club. The End.

N. Hey, what’s up? You see them the next day and you both laugh about the date. “Hey – at least we both know now.” You treat them like things were normal. You drill normally, you encourage them, you spar normally, you treat them like just another teammate. Your team goes on to win the championships and you train together for years to come. Congratulations – you have a teammate for life. The End.

My very first CYOA story! I hope you enjoyed it half as much as I enjoyed writing it. Have you asked out a BJJ teammate? How did it go? Would you ever ask one out? Look for part 2, coming soon!

  1. Well, not BJJ-related…however martial art-related. I meet my wife this way, and we’ve been married for 5 year (this year). It was when I was co-instructor in Bujinkan and held the newbie classes which she attended too. We started to talk on the forum our club had, and well one thing lead to another. I think martial art gyms overall are good places to meet your partner, being physical with someone and sweat…it is bonding to say least.

  2. My boyfriend and I met at a BJJ seminar – our coaches were both under the same person, who was at my gym giving a seminar (I’ve since moved and had to switch gyms because of the move). Noticed each other during the seminar, but totally kept it professional (definitely the way to go by the way – see below!) although he did flirt a bit when we lined up to bow out at the end of the seminar. We flirted more in the lobby of the gym afterwards, then started dating and now are in a really serious relationship. Yay BJJ babies! (maybe…in the distant future…if we ever change our minds about wanting children lol.) So, although we weren’t teammates at the same gym, it still worked out really well. And it’s fantastic because he doesn’t make fun of me training (like some dudes in the past who didn’t train), we push each other to train harder, and share technique from classes (ex: he taught me a cool sweep the other day, I taught him an escape from standing guillotine). It’s perfect. Side note: a *ton* of couples train together at my new gym, although we still go to separate gyms. They’re really great about it, but don’t make it obvious they’re couples and usually don’t spar together. But then again we have enough women that typically the women spar with each other instead of the dudes. Again, the key seems to be to keep it professional and be the cool people that BJJ people usually are, not lovey-dovey, hanging on each other couples when training (although after class it’s a bit different).

    Interestingly enough, before dating my boyfriend, one of my teammates from my old gym asked me out. We went out, had a good time, then suddenly it fell apart because I was going to be moving in a few months and he chickened out. I did my best to keep it cool at the gym and act the same as before because I didn’t want things to be weird, but he turned into a super big baby and was obnoxious to the point of our coach having a sit-down with him about his behavior, especially after I started dating my boyfriend after the seminar. It was bad to the point of me looking forward to leaving my club when I moved – super sad for me since I adored my gym. But, as long as you’re both grown ups about it, I could see it working out well if the relationship works or not.

    • What a great story! Yeah this started out as advice and I thought the format was fun and much less preachy. And think its hilarious that your ex had the Coach sits down and talks to you result. Lol. Looks like I wasn’t far off.

      Congrats to you and your bjj dude!

  3. I asked my BJJ love out on our first date. I was very careful and we kept it quiet until official. I asked him to lunch and now 2 yrs later (he’s a purple belt, i’m a blue) we’re living together and it’s going great. Sharing the love for bjj has really helped our relationship. Great for venting too! We have mats in the house and arent afraid to lay them down if having a rough day

    • Ah, but this was a much funnier and lighter way to say that. I do agree, though, that it would be awesome to have someone to share my hobby. Even if that meant that I ended up at a different club.

  4. “You have a successful relationship! You get married and have lots of BJJ babies.” YES! 🙂
    In my case, I didn’t meet my boyfriend through BJJ; he got me into it afterwards. We did meet at the dojo where he was training, though (I was working at the reception at the time).
    It seems to be far from obvious for most newcomers that we’re a couple, which I take as a good sign… On the other hand, I somehow wish people knew without either of us having to show or tell them (which we won’t do).

  5. Personally, I would never ask a teammate out on a date.

    However, it would be awesome to have a significant other that you could practice on those times you have a technique in your head and you want to try it out spontaneously in bed or on the couch.

    I always get the stink eye, followed by, “Leave me alone”, then the inevitable elbow.

    • Personally, I’m not against the idea of team mates dating each other (although in my case I’m already married so I wouldn’t be asking/open myself). But I think it has to be done sensibly and maturely. I think that if team mates get to know each other then end up dating, that’s really cool. However asking someone out after a couple of rolls when you know nothing else about them could end up awkward.

  6. Lol, I remember when I was a teenager in shotokan karate I asked out a team member and he said no >__< He avoided me after that.
    Though I'm lucky now, my husband and I train together, but try not to roll together in class. The odd times we do, but the first time we had to partner up he made an embarrassing/inappropriate grab + leer on me and my response was to try and tear his head off.

    • Awkwardsoul – was your husband totally new to BJJ when he did that? He might have just not known what to do and been trying to joke around because of that?

      I roll with my husband every now and then. He is a lot bigger than me so we don’t roll often. He’s usually pretty professional, but sometimes he jokes around. Never anything that would make other people on the mats uncomfortable though.

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