During my Thanksgiving dinner, a very important discussion was raised. Things got a bit heated, and no real conclusions were drawn. I felt that it deserved a bit of blog space AND your expertise.
This is an issue very close to my heart and I think one that is worth discussing.
This is a hypothetical argument, and no solid guidelines have been established. Perhaps that’s something that could be done here.
Again, this is really an important idea and one that should be more fully discussed. Even within the BJJ blogosphere. I think all sides should be listened to, no one should blame or verbally attack one another – we are all entitled to our opinions.
The question is:
Who would win in a fight? Ninjas or zombies?
I maintain that ninjas would win. Period. Sadly, in online forums I’ve seen, 35% of people are clearly delusional and think zombies would win.
1. Ninjas have weapons. Zombies have teeth. Or in some mythos their blood is unsafe, while in others, even their scratches cause contagion. Ninjas can keep a safe distance and even if they are surrounded, with their whirling death knife, they can keep zombies at bay. They also have those awesome throwing knives and throwing stars and can hit zombies silently at a distance. In the argument, someone said that if the zombies’ blood causes people to turn, then the arcing blood could turn the ninjas into zombies, but I maintain that if ninjas KNEW this, they would wear protective eyewear.
2. Ninjas have parkour skills. Think about it. They can hide in the corner of the ceiling, they can climb like mad people, so even if they are circled they can parkour onto the tops of their heads and make a mad dash out. They can even run on water. (maybe just non-Neutonian fluid, according to Mythbusters, but that’s something).
3. Ninjas are fast. There’s a reason that it’s called “ninja fast” – it’s because ninjas are fast. Zombies, depending on your mythos, can be Living Dead shambling – no problem for ninjas; Zombieland running – and if the ninjas have good cardio, no problem; 28 Days Later sprinting – still think not much of an issue for ninjas; or even Walking Dead somewhat running – which can be outrun by humans, and ninjas are like human+. Regardless, they’d just have to run forward, loop about, kill zombies, run forward, loop about, kill zombies, etc.
Apparently there is a debate between walking and running zombies:
4. Ninjas can hide. So if the ninjas did get tired they could find an adequate hiding spot. Again, depending on your mythos this may or may not be an issue. That means that Walking Dead zombies couldn’t defeat ninjas – they go by sight and sound, and there’s no such thing as a loud ninja – which is why ninja is an adjective that means “silent”. For ones that go by smell – if they can smell brains or blood or sweat or whatever – maybe there would be an issue, but I think that the ninjas would hide in a tall place, even at the top of a telephone pole.
5. Ninjas can kill anyone they want! I heard that there was this ninja who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the ninja killed the whole town. If that’s true, do you think they’d have difficulty taking out some zombies? I think not.
6. Ninjas have skills. Lethal skills and potentially lethal skills. Don’t believe me? Ask a ninja! What skills do zombies have? They’re the undead version of Pepe Le Pew minus the sexual harassment.
So, am I off base with this? Is there something I’m missing about zombies? Please fill me in. Add your voice to this important debate, and if you’re a slacktivist, you can change your Facebook status to raise awareness of this important debate – but be aware, 96% of your friends won’t give a crap, 3% will be annoyed by your slacktivism, and 1% will repost.